I don't look good, while my gf really does .. how can i deal with that ?
Posted anonymously on Sep 25, 2015 03:53 PM 2 Responses
well .. i have such a weird situation, and i feel shy to speak about it to my friends, so that's why i decided to ask here , to hide my identity .. i got lately ( 3 months ago ) into a relationship, and the gril leaves far away, but we'll meet , cuz she usually comes to my country for her holidays, that's awesome .. only one problem here, the girl is so so so pretty and hot, like i have to admit she's too far away from my league, while i'm black , i mean i don't feel ashamed of being black, i'm not ugly, i'm just normal dude, the girl is so so so pretty .. i'm so worried that she dislikes me in real life, in all pics that we share she says i'm brown , but in fact i'm not like totally dark skinned but more likely dark brown, i speak alot about difference in skin colors cuz i have suffered that alot .. to be honest i have an equilbrated body, almost no fat and healthy and tall, i mean i'm not the worst .. the girl said that i'm brown but she really loves that skin , i mean that made me feel so good, but i'm afraid that she said that just to make me feel good, in the other hand she always tell me i'm handsome, while i know myself i'm not .. so that's why as she over reacted about my look, it may also does the same with my skin, i'm afraid, and so nervous ..
Last comment on Sep 26, 2015 10:58 AM
Family/Relationship/Living situation issues
Posted anonymously on Sep 24, 2015 08:18 PM 1 Response
Well, it's hard for me to explain everything but for the past year I've been dating a guy who I really love and want to have a future with, but my dad doesn't like him at all, I'm 19 now and I just had a baby and I didn't know that I was pregnant at all, I had gone to the hospital and I found out because i was having really bad stomach cramps but they were contractions, I now have the baby but I still live with my dad and my boyfriend and has limited visitation with her because my dad doesn't like him coming over at all, The most to see his daughters maybe once a week if any, my boyfriend doesn't like it at all and I understand why because he wants to see his daughter, Plus the fact that he was adopted and she is the only blood relative he has now, he lives with his roommates which are his best friends too and just recently had offered for me to move in (before I knew I was pregnant), but I didn't want to upset my dad so I have been staying home and I figured that I could wait out a little while and see if I could save up money with my boyfriend just to get an apartment here in the near future, but now within the time period of three years or maybe less, depending, his roommates are planning on moving all the way up to Michigan and we live in Georgia, and they still leave the offer for me to move in with them even though they're going to Michigan and my boyfriend plans on going with them and he wants me to go with them too, but my dad isnt in the best of health and I'm afraid if it does happen sooner I might not be able to be there for my dad because my dad isnt in the best of health and I'm afraid it does happen sooner if it happens at all that I might not be able to be there for him, he had cancer not want to go and he only has one lung to function with. Also adding in that my dad likes to control almost everything in my life too and he'll guilt trip me, I don't want to live at home for much longer especially now that I have a baby, but I'm afraid that my dad will hate me when I try to leave, I'm afraid that if I do move all the way to Michigan that something will happen to my dad or someone else in my family, and I'm just scared in general of what would happen if I do go or if I don't go, because the main worry I have is that I want my daughter to have the best life possible, and o know that it won't be living at my parents but I don't want to be so far away :c
Last comment on Sep 26, 2015 10:50 AM
Failure to pull the trigger.
Posted anonymously on Sep 22, 2015 07:36 AM 2 Responses
Ive spent most of my life stuck in an unusual sort of rut when it comes to matters of my love life.
Which is to say.... I dont have one. Im 24 years old and Ive never really managed to get past that initial flirty fun stage of meeting someone and going "Hey, they are pretty cute. Im gonna wave at them.... and maybe say hello." The part where you get butterflies when you see them across the room and are dying to just find out more about them and blush all the time.
Ive always been extremely shy/ quiet and extremely insecure and the older I get the worse it seems to get. I spend a lot of time internally wondering what I look like to other people, mainly.... men, or worrying that Im not likable or wondering what it is that makes every interaction Ive ever had with a man end at or before the casual flirting stage.
For a while I just chalked it up to being fat and unattractive. I convinced myself any perceived flirting has always been a figment of my imagination and gave up on the very concept of dating all together. Ive told myself Im too picky and set the bar too high and Ive told myself that Im unapproachable and unfriendly.
Now though, Im pretty certain thats not the case and I dont know which is worse.... believing you're too ugly to be loved.... or believing there is something wrong with who you are as a person, like being too socially awkward and making people cringe with your almost autistic levels of social awkwardness.
Im less and less certain that my looks or my believed inability to flirt are to blame because I made a pretty interesting hindsight realization shortly after graduating college.
There were plenty of people in school that I found attractive but I had 5 significant "crushes" within my field of study. All of which I immediately labelled "too cool" or "too attractive" or "too taken" or "too popular" for me to ever approach. So I quietly admired them from a distance. Of those 5, by my 4th year of school, 3 of them had at one point or another decided to go out of their way to talk to me and became a casual acquaintance that would happily make friendly small talk with me in the hallways or on the elevator or while walking down the street near the school, 1 became my friend, and would often walk me to my car after our shared night class. Only 1 of those 5 did I never really end up getting approached and befriended by. He turned out to be kind of a jerk in general. But were still friends on facebook none the less. Now, maybe Im reading too much into things, it really wouldnt be the first time. Or maybe my ability to attract the opposite sex and flirt non-verbally was way more on point and less creepy and clumsy than I thought it was.
However thats where each of those tales ends. I havent seen most of them or heard from them since graduation day other than a small facebook comment here or there. Even IF I ran into them Im sure it would be the same as it was in school, where we greet each other like were old friends, catch up on what the other has been up to, swap a story or two about our experiences in our field of study..... and then part ways.
Now fast forward closer to the present. Ive been out of school for a little over a year and a half but Ive been incredibly busy just..... trying to start a new life for myself. I moved pretty far from my family, got a new job and a new apartment and basically turned my world upside down. To be honest I wasnt thinking about guys all that much for a while. Id been much more concerned with keeping my junker car running and keeping in touch with family and living on my own for the first time in my life and learning to live with another person thats not my family. I never did the dorm thing in college so this was all so new!
And thats when HE starts working at the store. I noticed him on his very first day, almost immediately as I walked into work. The perfect target for my crush-radar to zero in on. And Im not the only one. Every female with eyes takes notice of this new guy. He is handsome, and younger.... with an easy smile and an outgoing personality.
Annnd within that week of hearing about this new guy, and seeing how all the women in the store are charmed by him I decide he falls into the "too attractive for me" spectrum and turn my focus back to my job. I still look at him of course.... hes the only decent piece of eye candy in the whole store.... but Im careful to keep my distance and never meet his gaze directly unless hes speaking to me. Which he does, every now and again-- but he does with every other girl as well. He turns out to be quite the attention seeker.
Now fast forward another 4 months and all those moments that I had previously perceived as him just peacocking in general for all the ladies are suddenly seeming less and less like they are meant for any of my coworkers. He starts bringing me snacks and sitting with me when we're both on break and taking interest in some of the things I like/ asking me basic "get to know" questions. He winks at me in passing and makes faces and gives me high fives. My confidence for once in my life is at an all time high so for once I dont talk myself out of believing that its flirting and I do what I can to flirt back without totally giving myself a social anxiety panic attack.
That was a month ago.
Now were in some kind of a stale mate. We smile at each other and wave and greet each other, we steal glances and occasionally make very G rated flirty remarks to each other in passing, stick out our tongues at each other and make very casual small talk-- like "how about this weather" kind of small talk.
And thats it. If theres some kind of window when that kind of flirting can turn into something more I fear Ive missed it.... once again. And now Im sitting here wondering why nothing ever goes further. Why the guys that show interest in me never show enough interest to get my number or "make a move" or get to know me beyond the very basics. Wondering what I should be saying or doing differently to turn a guy putting his arm around me casually and saying "hey sweetheart. Hows it going?" into a guy wanting to date me.
And I know.... That guys fear rejection just as much as girls and I know that always waiting for a guy to make a move is somewhat outdated thinking. Its not that I havent tried being the one to make the move. I have. Id prefer not to go there again though because Ive never not made an absolute fool of myself or been completely taken advantage of when I did try things that way.
Last comment on Sep 26, 2015 10:40 AM
Shouldn't he be more sympathetic
Posted anonymously on Sep 18, 2015 12:14 PM 2 Responses
So 3 years ago my Longterm boyfriend went on a business/pleasure trip with his two guy friends and this girl he was doing a shoot for out of town. They all shared a room with two beds. Long story short I found out that he had slept in the same bed with her for a night or two. I was mad at him but coped with it because I know that nothing happened with them sharing a room and all. One of the guys that was on the trip with him is a good friend. I began to really dislike the woman for it even though he should have given up the bed and let her sleep in it. I feel like they both are wrong. 3 years later he still does business with her and even invited her out with us and some friends. I called him out on it and he just gets upset with me saying that it was a long time ago like I should be over it
Last comment on Sep 27, 2015 04:42 PM
Should I leave or stay with my husband? He's not "in love" with me anymore and i feel so alone
Posted anonymously on Sep 16, 2015 01:44 AM 2 Responses
Sorry this might be a bit long... I am almost 20 years old, my husband is 22. We have a wonderful little boy together who just turned 1. We married after a little less than 2 years together, 10 months of which we lived together, and we were each other's first "real" boyfriend/girlfriend.total of 3 years together. I know, we should have waited, getting married that young was stupid. But I loved him so much, and I still do. I thought that surely we could make it work, we were in love and that's all I thought we needed. He used to make me feel so happy and loved and secure, and on good days he still does, but the bad days far outweigh the good at this point. He is addicted to a computer game called League of Legends. I don't use that term lightly, he will play for more than 12 hours at a time. He tells me every day that all he wants is for me to be quiet and keep the baby quiet so he can play. He regularly spends over $100 a week on points to buy new characters, skins and abilities for the game, which would be fine if we could afford it, but usually it comes out of money that needs to go towards the power bill for our apartment, or diapers. I feel like we barely know each other anymore. He's pushed away all my friends and family, I have nobody else to talk to or spend time with. He won't talk to me about anything meaningful for more than a minute, and I desperately miss the intimacy that we used to have before he found that game. I don't mean sex, we still have great sex about 3 times a week, but he thinks that that's all the interaction we need, and he immediately starts another game afterwards, no pillow talk or or anything. He works, but when he's at home he refuses to do anything, and he makes me feel bad if the dishes aren't done or he has no clean shirts. He expects me to do all of the cooking and cleaning, and take care of the baby, plus I work 50 hours a week on third shift. I get about 3-4 hours of sleep per day because he is unwilling to watch the baby, he's okay for an hour but as soon as he needs feeding or changing, he yells for me to "get the baby" because he is crying in hunger and interrupting his game. He never thanks me for anything, he never returns favors, and everything is my fault. I irritated him, I bothered him, he's grumpy because I didn't make dinner in time, I did this and didn't do that. He forgot our anniversary, ignored my birthday, and we havent had a date in a very long time. Even if I get a sitter and get ready and everything, he's not interested. If I threaten to leave he gets teary and apologizes, says his parents are divorced so he has no examples of a healthy relationship, he'll try harder, etc. Next day, same deal. I have done nothing but bring this man up. When we got together, he had nothing but a minimum wage job. I got our apartment in my name because he has bad credit, I helped him save for a car, I filled out applications for him to get a better job, I do everything for him right down to telling him to shower. I cook all the meals, bring him breakfast on my way home, all because I still love him. I feel used, lonely, sad, and unappreciated. The other day He told me that he's unhappy because the butterflies are gone, and that he loves me, but is no longer in love with me. I told him the butterflies can't last forever, eventually we'd get past the honeymoon stage and we have, but he thinks that the butterflies are supposed to last forever. All that seems like the clear answer is to leave, right? But I just feel like I have invested so much time, energy and love into him, I can't make myself leave. money will not be the deciding factor, but im not sure if I can pay the bills on my own, especially since I would have to hire an overnight sitter while I work, that would take half my check. He wouldnt have anywhere to go, and he'd be kinda helpless, he's used to me doing everything, and I wouldn't be able to stand it if I knew he didn't have a place to sleep because of me. He's driven all his friends away as well. A few times a day I'll get a kiss and we'll have a few good hours, or we'll watch movies snuggled on the couch and it gives me hope that maybe we'll be okay, it's only been this bad for a few months and it can only get better, I tell myself that maybe this is just a stage and he'll mature out of it, like he's making up for the childhood he didn't get. I don't want our son growing up wondering which parents house he spends Christmas at. I know it's a lot harder for kids when their parents are separated, but at the same time it can't be good if he sees Daddy making Mommy sad every day. I know he loves him, when he does manage to spend an hour with us he's a great dad, the baby adores him worships the ground he walks on, daddy is his only word. He makes sure he had what he needs, but it doesn't make up for the rest of the time, and how he treats me. I ask him all the time how we can be better, what's bothering him, and all I get is that he just wants to game. I feel like he's contantly looking at other women and texting a "friend from high school or work" while I've never even looked at another guy, let alone gotten a number. So what do you think? Should I up and leave him or kick him out, even though that would emotionally devastate me? Stick with it and hope he gets better and grows out of it? Deliver an ultimatum? Destroy his computer?
thanks for reading, sorry again this was so long
Last comment on Sep 25, 2015 09:33 AM
I just want to know if I can delete a blurb later after I post it
Posted anonymously on Sep 14, 2015 08:00 AM 2 Responses
Im usually a very private person and while I do have a very specific topic that I need advice on I also dont want to run the risk of anything I say ever becoming circulated the way internet things often are.
So this is just a test post from me.
Last comment on Sep 14, 2015 08:46 AM
I don't know what to do
Posted anonymously on Aug 16, 2015 11:26 PM 2 Responses
I have been debating about this for awhile. I don't want to share it with anyone but I've come to a halt, I'm confused, and I dont have anyone I can share this with that knows how to handle it calmly because I dislike when people can't keep it cool, it makes me Anxious. I don't want to sound needy or anything, But I need advice to make my decision.. I've been dating him for awhile, almost 2 years now. I am his 1st girlfriend and now he is moving away. I know long distance isn't very good especially for him. And I'm wondering if maybe I am keeping him from possibilities to come. He says he loves me.. but noting I am his first.. I'm not utterly sure if he knows what he means, or if he thinks its love because I'm the only one willing to listen and help. Now we have no way of seeing each other, we barely have a way to talk. I don't want to hurt him, but i know sometimes.. its better to rip off the bandaid instead of slowly peeling it off. So.. I want another opinion.
Last comment on Aug 18, 2015 01:11 PM
Father daughter relationship
Posted anonymously on Aug 12, 2015 10:24 PM 1 Response
So, my father was abusive growing up. I have been able to forgive him for this. We have a better relationship than we once did. He cheats on my mother. I caught him a few years back with one woman. I told my sister's about what I had found out. They were initially appalled. Then they talked to him. I was told it was "not as bad as I thought" that mom knew abd it would never happen again. I was told not to bring it up with mom. I got the message loud and clear. My mother is not dumb. She has caught him in lies in front of me. At first she is angry and asks questions. Then she comes up with the excuses FOR HIM. My mother has always put hinge above all, including us. She didn't protect us from him, we would be yelled at, for "making him angry enough". I have forgiven then both, I love my mother with all my heart. She is the only person in the world I love as much as my children, not even my husband. He still cheats, with another woman. They was another in between. He is basically doing it right in front of everyone. I honestly think it is wreaking more havoc on my life, and my emotions than those involved. Even my own relationship with my husband. For this I can't forgive him. He has her total love and devotion, and he doesn't deserve it. But even if I were to tell my mother. I am sincerely concerned, no, scared to death, that she would call me a liar just to protect him and her ignorant bliss. I couldn't stomach the thought of losing her. So what do I do? This consumes my thoughts on a regular basis. Like I think about it at least once a day. How do I move on and find my own happiness?
Last comment on Aug 14, 2015 11:06 AM
is it possible to stay friends after sleeping with a guy
Posted anonymously on Aug 11, 2015 11:38 PM 4 Responses
we learn together it started like a rush first then one day while talking he asked me out on a coffee date we went out after that things went well slept together after two week dating we meet up almost every day talked to see where it goes but in the middle i realized i can not have a future with him so told him to be friends he agreed but the next time we meet up in person we ended up sleeping together again ...but after that while we talking told him after now on the meeting is only possible if we could stay friend only he agreed and said we be friends not to worry is it possible for us to stay friends?
Last comment on Aug 14, 2015 10:24 PM
Do I take the risk?
Posted anonymously on Jul 29, 2015 01:37 AM 2 Responses
So there's this girl who I hooked up with once in middle school, and ever since I've found her pretty attractive. Throughout high school we're nice and friendly to each other, but nothing has happened. I don't want to start anything serious with her, but before I go to college in the fall, I'm interested in hooking up with her again.
Now, the day of my graduation, we were talking, and she was being very open about her sex life. Like, very happy to talk about it. I'm not so experienced myself, and she made it very clear to me, in a casual way, that she gets plenty from this boy toy of hers. They aren't together, just fuckbuddies. She then had an epiphany and remembered about when we hooked up in middle school. I had never brought it up since it first happened, and I feel like she was faking not remembering it. I had remembered since it happened. So I feel like, if she's bringing it up, there could be a reason. Long story short, before I left to walk to the grad ceremony, I felt like she was interested and/or leading me on.
Since then, I've messaged her asking if she wants to hang out before we leave for school. The first two times were when I had some drinks in Europe, when she didn't respond. When I got home, I sent another message saying "Hey, how've you been lately? It's been a while. Oh and I'm sober and in America now, so this isn't some drunk late night message from Europe". She responded with "Haha thank you for clarifying :)". We've sent a few more messages back and forth, being friendly and all that. Then I said that, if she would be down, I'd like to hang out with her before we leave for school. She said "Yeah! When do you leave to go to school?" and I asked when she leaves to move in.
Now there hasn't been a response, but I've been thinking, if she doesn't say anything back, do I take the risk and just explain why I've been messaging her. Not in a crude and man-slutty way, but just saying something along the lines of "I'm just going to be completely honest. I've found you attractive throughout high school and I want to give what we did in middle school another shot". Again, with more finesse, but you get the idea. I'm just thinking that, since we will be hundreds of miles away from each other, and it's my last shot, what could go wrong. She either says yes, no, or doesn't respond, and none of those events would really upset me. I just want to lay it on the line, and be frank, because I feel like I'm beating around the bush and it's not getting me anywhere. I don't think she would use it to embarrass me, because she hasn't told anyone about us getting with each other before (I would probably hear about it through my four years in high school).
Anyway, what do you all think I should do? Risk it? Stop altogether? Help me out here, because while I've gotten with a few girls before, and had a few girlfriends, I want to give this a shot but I don't have any experience with handling this sort of thing through messaging. If it were in person, I'd probably have hooked up with her already or gotten a hard no and not be worrying about it anymore. Please give me any advice you think is important, thanks!
Last comment on Jul 29, 2015 09:06 PM