Please help us at LemonVibe!
Posted by Dennis Hong on Nov 18, 2015 05:58 PM No Responses
Hi there! My name is Dennis, and I'm the creator of LemonVibe.
If you're thinking of posting a blurb, or just posted one these past few days, you may have noticed something odd about our recent ones:
We've been getting quite a few people asking questions, but not many answering them.
So lame, right?
Now, I get that sometimes, you just need advice, and you don't feel like you have any of your own to offer. Hey, it's totally understandable.
But really, mutual help is how a community like LemonVibe works. It's how we survive.
And lately, it feels like the people answering blurbs have dwindled down to just a few of us. We have so many takers, but few givers. And that's making it hard for those us who still do post advice to keep up.
So will you help us? If you're thinking of asking for help (or already have), why not take a look at the other blurbs that have been posted? Maybe you experienced something similar. Maybe you understand how exactly they feel. Maybe you can offer insight as the opposite sex. Whatever your thoughts, don't be afraid to share them! Everyone has their own unique perspective based on their own unique experiences, and we would love to know about them.
The mission of LemonVibe is to crowdsource advice from real people, imperfect and flawed as we all are. That's how we can get different perspectives and decide what best works for us. So please, help us help each other!
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Mixed Signals (Maybe)?
Posted anonymously on Nov 23, 2015 12:19 AM 1 Response
A bit of context: I've always been the nice guy. I mean that in the sense that I like seeing the people around me happy. I connect better with women, so most of my close friends are comprised of women.
I'm in my senior year in college, and many of my friends that are women find me as sort of the "safe" guy. The guy they hug, snuggle up next to, and are just overall overly affectionate. I don't mind it, but it has given me a muddled perspective of flirting and romantic encounters.
I met this really nice girl recently. A lot of similar interests between us in a lot of weird places. She's funny, I think she's beautiful, all that jazz. But recently I've been kind of... confused. She's super affectionate with me when we're together. She leans on me, curls up next to me when we hang out, we link arms when either of us are too drunk, etc.
But for me, that isn't much different from what other girls who have NOT been interested in me have done. There are women-- friends-- that I've made out with and done a lot more romantic things with. And this girl (we'll call her Darsey) hasn't really done anything out of the ordinary that I can tell that would make me assume she had a thing for me.
She's always busy, so I don't get a lot of time with her. When I do, we can't really get time alone because she lives with one of my friends. I've always been deathly afraid of rejection, so this is probably part of my paranoia. I know this probably seems like a pretty childish concern, but I haven't had much experience with relationships and my confidence is just about at rock bottom. So I guess I just kinda was looking for that extra push in the right direction.
Thanks for your time and words!
Last comment on Nov 23, 2015 07:27 PM
Posted anonymously on Nov 21, 2015 12:57 PM 1 Response
I've been dating a guy for almost two years. Everything was great up until about 4 months ago. He's been mean to me and very aggressive. He's not abusive by any means but he's just not the same person he used to be. He still does nice things for me and we get along some of the time.. About two or three weeks ago he broke up with me because he was tired of all the fighting. The next night we got back together and for two days we were happy and great. But after that it went back to the same old stuff.. While all of this is going on there is this guy that I see everyday and He is my BestFriend. We talk about everything. he recently told me he loves me and wants to be with me. I know I have feelings for him too. But I also still love my boyfriend. I'm just not sure what to do at this point..
Last comment on Nov 23, 2015 06:37 PM
BF upset over a platonic kiss from a friend- am I the crazy one?
Posted anonymously on Nov 18, 2015 09:14 PM 2 Responses
My boyfriend of several years got incredibly angry when my longtime friend kissed me on the mouth when she was very drunk (by ‘ON the mouth’ I mean just that- we’re not talking deep tongue kissing here). In the past I have also kissed her on the mouth. I'm actually surprised it only happened in front of him recently. She has been with her man for >10 years and he’s seen one of us kiss the other- both on the mouth and on the cheek- loads of times. It didn’t occur to me as wrong because it's never been done with any kind of romantic intention.
My reaction to him being upset was to say I was honestly surprised he found it shocking since he is both Italian and Spanish and don't they kiss their friends sometimes? Yeah- wrong response/I’m stereotyping/they ONLY kiss on the cheek (so he tells me- idk- pop culture says otherwise)/I’m not Italian or Spanish so it still isn't the same anyway- and I get that. My point was that in my own possibly culturally ignorant mind, this was not something I expected him to take as anything other than an expression of close friendship. It's not like it even occurred to me to hide it.
Well, obviously he was concerned and alarmed- and I did say I was sorry he was hurt by what I perceived to be an entirely innocuous action. I even agreed to not do that/let that happen again now that I know how it affects him. But he intends to never go to a gathering at their place ever again unless I’m NOT going… because I always get ‘drunk and crazy’ when I’m over there and he doesn’t like to see me like that.
Look- I have been very drunk and a little freewheeling in the past- at my friend's place and elsewhere (hey, I was single). I also lived with her at times so even without any sexual, romantic, or ...borderline (I guess that's what it is?) conduct, you just KNOW there were a few nights when I was not shining my brightest. I don’t see any of that as being the case since he and I have been together (maybe he disagrees?), definitely not the case here, and it's not even like this friend is someone I've ever dated or had a fling with. If that were the case, I'd at least understand the concern.
He says that every single person he has spoken to agrees that it is both disrespectful and borderline cheating, and at the very least not normal behavior. I've never pretended to be entirely normal but now I'm wondering... just how insensitive to the relationship or crazy am I actually being here?Does anyone else see where he’s coming from and/or see where I'm coming from? I feel like never seeing these people simultaneously as a couple is a harsh over-reaction, but maybe I'm the one missing something?
Last comment on Nov 19, 2015 05:23 PM
Long distance question
Posted anonymously on Nov 18, 2015 02:25 PM 3 Responses
Ok, in high school I met a foreign exchanged student and we kept in touch. We have even been on vacation and he talks of visiting or doing a intern here in the city I am in. He has told me he has always felt drawn to me, and that we could be soulmates. He once jokingly discussed proposing one day and later says his feelings arent as strong as mine. What should I think about all of this?
Last comment on Nov 19, 2015 06:22 PM
Relationship advice needed, physical abuse..
Posted anonymously on Nov 18, 2015 04:54 AM 3 Responses
I had a wonderful relationship for 10 years. Then my wife cheated; unable to forgive her, we split up. Been dating now for a couple of years. Recently, my latest girlfriend has been abusive, physically. She gets drunk, angry, she bites, punches, scratches, and breaks my stuff. I can fight back, and I have, but she's no match for me and I must restrain myself so I won't hurt her. She was physically abused as a child, and in a previous marriage. Law enforcement has been involved in our relationship. Advice?
Last comment on Nov 19, 2015 07:15 PM
What Does He Mean? I don't get it!
Posted anonymously on Nov 17, 2015 07:38 PM 4 Responses
I've been dating this guy for less than a month. He was a (platonic) friend of many years who reconnected with me to invite me for dinner. We had a wonderful time, talking about life and catching up. We were communicating every day. The same scenario played out for three dates, with the second and third dates ending in a little romance. I thought we were in a good place in every sense, emotionally and physically.
Although he continued to text me for several days after date three, his texts then stopped out of the blue and he blew off a date HE planned citing family emergency (which WAS a credible story). I didn't freak out on him. I kept myself busy with friends even though I was upset, I didn't tell him. I sent him support when he provided his reason. My texting with him has been limited to once a day or less. I'm not blowing up his phone 24/7 nor am I questioning what's happening. I'm just letting life happen (but it's breaking me inside).
He's in a "zone" right now where, although he told me he is completely free to get together this week and he's thinking about what we can do together, he is completely different than the man I knew last week. He was fine prior to and post intimacy and, all of a sudden, nothing. No texts to tell me about his day, ask me how my day was, see how I'm doing or attempt to connect. He's done a 180. I've seen some guys do this for space, to collect their thoughts before moving forward in a relationship.Rubber Band Man? I've seen some guys do this because they're not interested. Regardless, he sought me out. I like him, as a friend and possible bf, and I don't know what to do. (We never discussed a status.) Clearly, we need to get together to have a conversation face to face. I don't want to have it via text or phone. Family issues? Stress from work? Doesn't want to commit? (I haven't asked him to.) I don't know what's up with him but I'd like some advice. I'm almost afraid to reach out to him because I don't know what's going on. I WANT to reach out but..... I'd like to text him with some flirty text. I'd like to ask him if he's ok. Don't know my next move. Right now my next move is a holding pattern, as in I'm holding my breath and my heart.
Why would he change so quickly? Am I right to give him space to figure out some personal issue or should I call him saying, I'm concerned because you don't seem to be yourself? We are friends. Not like we just met....but this is not who he is. Why is acting this way?
Please help! Thank you!!
Last comment on Nov 19, 2015 01:28 AM
Is he perfect or just hiding?
Posted anonymously on Nov 16, 2015 09:09 PM 5 Responses
So i've been dating this guy for a few weeks now. (lets call him ed) in my experience guys always tend to be super touchy feely you know? Try a boob grab here n there but with ed hes like a gentleman and usually i can see through people n find who they actually are when they act like a gentleman but with him theres nothing... He almost sounds too good to be true anyways....
when we started dating he would gently kiss me n usually guys try to feel around but his hands just stay on my back then ill tell him how im self conscious about being a little fat n he'll say but your beautiful n then kiss me all over my stomach then he slept over on accident cuz we just passed out n i for sure thought he was gonna try somethin but he just held me all night while i slept so at this point im just going down the list trying to find somethin wrong with him so we hung out with his friends n he didnt change at all (as in try to be manly or show off) he proudly introduced me as his girlfriend n kissed me same thing happened wen i met his family lastly wen we were in the back of his car just messing around or watever we were like an inch from having sex but he backed away without me saying anything n held me n said how much he loved me... You probably get the drift by now... Am i crazy for trying to find something wrong? I feel like im being paranoid cuz ik no ones perfect but i cant find anything wrong...
Last comment on Nov 20, 2015 08:06 AM
In love or just loving?
Posted anonymously on Nov 14, 2015 04:19 PM 5 Responses
Let's start with the fact that I'm 19, soon to be 20. Don't judge this question based on my age please. How do you know if you're in love with someone, or you just love them? I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and lately all it is, if fighting. We don't have intimacy any longer, and I've come to realize that we not much in common, yet I still can't bear to leave him because he means so much to me. I don't know if I'm just not in love with him, and only love him, or what? What makes it hard is that we have a 2 year old daughter together, and I fear her going through her parents splitting up like I dealt with as a child. I don't want to pain her. I don't want things to be difficult or complicated for her. And I especially don't want him meeting some girl who tries to mother my child. I don't want our daughter to miss out on a happy mommy daddy upbringing. Is it possible that if we parted as good friends, that our daughter would be understanding as she ages? Or will she be damaged like I was. It doesn't help that I feel like if I leave, I've wasted so much time on one person. I have a complicated past that was very hard to share with him, and I feel like all the trust I've laid into him, is just being wasted if I leave. Not to mention that I can't bear the thought of seeing him happy with someone else, even though we aren't at our happiest. It just seems that every little thing he does, sets me off and I don't know what to do because he's who I planned to spend my life with, but now I feel like that's become so unrealistic. I feel so lost and unhappy, but yet I feel like I can't be happy without him either. We've been through so much together that I feel like I'm throwing it all away. But I think we've grown into two drastically different people over the past three years. I'm having such a hard time trying to know what to do. Somebody please help because I can't turn to anyone I know, due to the fact that they're all biased.
Last comment on Nov 18, 2015 11:55 AM
GFs roommate might not really be gay
Posted anonymously on Nov 04, 2015 12:27 AM 3 Responses
So I've been dating this girl for almost two years now. We've been through our rough patches, but are doing great. During one of these rough patches, she signed a lease at an apartment with her "gay" friend. She asked how I felt about it beforehand, and I told her it made me uncomfortable. Not because he's a guy, but because he went to my school and nobody ever knew for sure if he was really gay. There's never been proof of him with another guy, but there have been several girls in his past. The few times I've been around him, he's rude and talks about his money and job opportunities, not to mention belittling things I say. He clearly does not care too much for me. However, my girlfriend is now committed to living with him for a year. I trust her completely. But Honestly, It does bother me to think of them on the couch drinking wine and watching movies together. I worry about him making an awkward, spontaneous, wine-induced move on her and creating a new world of problems in our relationship. I understand the situation might very well be out of my control completely. If there's not a solution to the situation, I'd at least like to know how to feel better about it. Instead of feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Last comment on Nov 04, 2015 11:44 AM
How to ask a girl out that's at work
Posted anonymously on Nov 02, 2015 01:28 PM 1 Response
First a little backstory...
I'm a 20 yr. old male who has never been in a relationship before.
I've always been pretty shy, but there have been periods of time (a year or two) where I just feel on top the world and have a bunch of confidence and truly feel myself.
Currently I'm feeling both lonely and depressed and I have only just realized that I've probably been feeling this way for seven or more years now.
I remember coming out of one of these lulls during high school and thinking, "wow, all I had to do was change x or y and I can feel myself again."
I don't remember what "x or y" was, so now I'm just trying to do the best I can to stay happy.
My friends and others I talk to perceive me as a very happy and quiet person, but I still don't really feel myself.
I think I'm really down on myself when I shouldn't be.
When I was myself people would comment on my awesome personality, but I don't even know what that was really maybe because it was just me being myself.
Maybe I'm just overthinking everything, because I overthink a lot of things.
I can't really talk to my parents as I believe they're part of my problems.
My dad is trying to live vicariously through me and seems to only care about how well I'm doing in school and how much money I'll be be making after so I can take care of him.
My mom is very negative and insecure.
They're both always arguing about stupid things, but they're my parents.
I live at home and commute to college and haven't made any new friends my two years there, which is pretty depressing in itself.
I'm not really interested in drinking or smoking or I guess partying.
I'm not against it, but I just don't enjoy it.
I have more doing other things.
I'm feeling pretty lost right now in life, I'm very good at what I do (top of my class), but I'm not sure if it's what I really want to do as I'm really good at a lot of other things.
Anyway during my lifetime girls have flirted with me and some have even asked me out, but I just become a pile of rocks and awkwardly try and get out of the situation even if I like them too.
Recently I encountered this girl who works at the local Rite-Aid.
When I walked in with my friends we both looked at each other and I think there was some sort of connection.
She followed me from her cashier position and I think was pretending to do some work in the aisles.
She cashed me out and we had an awkward situation with my Rite-Aid card and we were both just smiling.
I left there thinking that she might be interested in me.
I went there again with my sister to get her some supplies.
I got some fruit-snacks and she let me know there was a 2 for 1 deal so I picked up another.
My sister asked why I got the same kind.
I was like there weren't any other flavors.
She said she ate the last ones.
(We both like fruit snacks! hahaha)
It's been about a month or two now and I've really wanted to ask her out and think about her like everyday.
I'm not sure if she's still interested or was at all in the first place.
I think I should do something because I'll end up regretting it as I have with other girls.
Should I try to start a conversation first?
It's just kind of weird because she's working and there's other customers around.
Should I just ask for her number or give her mine?
I've thought of so many ways to to do this.
I'm also a bit worried about what to do if she does say yes, but I'm just kind of hoping things fall into place after that and I'm myself.
I appreciate you even reading through this mess and I'm glad to have at least gotten this out somewhere.
Last comment on Nov 03, 2015 09:25 AM