Do I take the risk?
Posted anonymously on Jul 29, 2015 08:37 AM 2 Responses
So there's this girl who I hooked up with once in middle school, and ever since I've found her pretty attractive. Throughout high school we're nice and friendly to each other, but nothing has happened. I don't want to start anything serious with her, but before I go to college in the fall, I'm interested in hooking up with her again.
Now, the day of my graduation, we were talking, and she was being very open about her sex life. Like, very happy to talk about it. I'm not so experienced myself, and she made it very clear to me, in a casual way, that she gets plenty from this boy toy of hers. They aren't together, just fuckbuddies. She then had an epiphany and remembered about when we hooked up in middle school. I had never brought it up since it first happened, and I feel like she was faking not remembering it. I had remembered since it happened. So I feel like, if she's bringing it up, there could be a reason. Long story short, before I left to walk to the grad ceremony, I felt like she was interested and/or leading me on.
Since then, I've messaged her asking if she wants to hang out before we leave for school. The first two times were when I had some drinks in Europe, when she didn't respond. When I got home, I sent another message saying "Hey, how've you been lately? It's been a while. Oh and I'm sober and in America now, so this isn't some drunk late night message from Europe". She responded with "Haha thank you for clarifying :)". We've sent a few more messages back and forth, being friendly and all that. Then I said that, if she would be down, I'd like to hang out with her before we leave for school. She said "Yeah! When do you leave to go to school?" and I asked when she leaves to move in.
Now there hasn't been a response, but I've been thinking, if she doesn't say anything back, do I take the risk and just explain why I've been messaging her. Not in a crude and man-slutty way, but just saying something along the lines of "I'm just going to be completely honest. I've found you attractive throughout high school and I want to give what we did in middle school another shot". Again, with more finesse, but you get the idea. I'm just thinking that, since we will be hundreds of miles away from each other, and it's my last shot, what could go wrong. She either says yes, no, or doesn't respond, and none of those events would really upset me. I just want to lay it on the line, and be frank, because I feel like I'm beating around the bush and it's not getting me anywhere. I don't think she would use it to embarrass me, because she hasn't told anyone about us getting with each other before (I would probably hear about it through my four years in high school).
Anyway, what do you all think I should do? Risk it? Stop altogether? Help me out here, because while I've gotten with a few girls before, and had a few girlfriends, I want to give this a shot but I don't have any experience with handling this sort of thing through messaging. If it were in person, I'd probably have hooked up with her already or gotten a hard no and not be worrying about it anymore. Please give me any advice you think is important, thanks!
Last comment on Jul 29, 2015 09:06 PM
Why are girls so complicated?
Posted anonymously on Jul 28, 2015 07:02 PM 2 Responses
So ive been talking and hanging out with this girl for a few months now and i cant seem to figure out whether or not shes into me. During some of the times we've talked and hung out she seems totally into me while the other time it seems she couldnt give a shit about me. Im putting this up now cause its gotten a lot worse to the point where she wont respond to any of my messages. I have friends who have told me that she posts things on tumblr like she "acts like she doesnt care but thinks about him every day". Am i just overreacting or whats up? i honestly care about this girl so much and have shown nothing but love for her since we've started talking. I havent done anything behind her back or anything that would cause this, should i ask her about it or just continue trying to reach her the way i am now? i think giving up isnt so much of an option. Any advice is appreciated.
Last comment on Jul 29, 2015 09:03 PM
Lost, Lack of Trust, Insecure, and I don't know why.
Posted anonymously on Jul 27, 2015 10:04 PM 10 Responses
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past (almost) 2 years. I'm 28 and she's 25 this year. Like all relationships, we have had our fair share of ups and downs, but we've always managed to talk about things. We're both adventurous people, and every time we travelled, we've aimed to do something adventurous together.
Throughout the relationship, I've not been controlling and have never made a fuss when she hangs out with her guy friends. On the other hand, she used to be quite affected whenever I hung out with my female friends, and especially affected when it's my ex-girlfriend. Nonetheless, regardless of whether we quarrel over it or not, we managed to resolve it.
The one thing that I haven't been able to join her in is diving as I have not picked up that skill yet. I was supposed to learn it earlier this year in March, but due to a change in jobs, I was not able to. However, I will definitely learn it next year and it's something we've talked about. She has been saying that she'd go ahead for diving and doesn't want to wait for me, to which I've always said she should.
Recently, she went for a dive trip with another female friend, and made a lot of new friends during the trip. Ever since the trip, she's been hanging out with these new friends a lot and have done some activities with them that's not diving-related.
I'm not sure if it's just me being insecure and crazy, or if something has changed in her. The past couple of weeks has been difficult for us, she's been saying I'm suddenly become more controlling, while I've been saying that something has changed in her. We had a long talk the other day to resolve issues, but at the end of the day, sometimes something still triggers me and I don't feel like I can trust her as much as I once used to.
I don't know why but I keep feeling that her feelings for me has changed, although she insists otherwise. There's just a lot of little subtleties that hit me really hard. Recently I feel like I'm always the backup. She tires herself out with activities on the weekdays, and spends the weekends with me sleeping at my place. It's like I'm a safe home for her to return to, but not the fun go-to person.
At the moment, here's the situation:
- She's still somewhat honest, she does tell where she's going and who she's going with. I said "somewhat" because she always seems to not tell the full story.
- She seems very close to this new group of friends, and for the first time I am uncomfortable.
- I am having issues trusting her, although I can't exactly pinpoint why.
- I don't know if I should walk away and give her the "freedom" she so desires. I really love her, see a future with her, and don't want to wrong her. I really want to believe that love should be free, but it's hard when there's a lack of trust.
- I don't understand why she can't see that after our recent issues, it takes a bit of time to rebuild things. She's acting like nothing ever happened. On the other hand, I may be too sensitive.
- I have been sacrificing all my travel time for her, and it's sad because she's not doing the same. I know I'm being selfish but I feel left out.
- It's getting increasingly hard to talk about issues with her because it's beginning to feel like that's all we're talking about recently.
Thank you for reading this :).
Last comment on Aug 02, 2015 10:35 AM
Should i tell my girlfriend?
Posted anonymously on Jul 26, 2015 09:22 AM 2 Responses
Im 17 years old, me and my girlfriend recently went on a break for a month, within that month i traded nude pics and videos with a 13 year old (it was very wrong i know) But i am now back with my girlfriend and if she knew she'd be disgusted in me. But should i tell her? I fell like im keeping something from her but i dont want her to look at me weird or cause an arguement. During the break me and my girlfriend wasnt talking at all and i didnt think we would talk ever again. What should i do? confess or keep the past in the past?
Last comment on Jul 27, 2015 12:02 PM
want to date a younger guy
Posted anonymously on Jul 18, 2015 10:53 AM 1 Response
Ok so I have a huge dilemma
Until last year I had been in an abusive marriage for 20 years. I planned an escape and one of my very very long-time friends (a guy, let's call him Mac) helped me through the ordeal. Once I was settled in a women's shelter, I had no contact with him - he was also in a relationship (although short-term) at the time.
Now a year has gone by and after separation, legal proceedings and lots of other hassles, I find myself finally settling down in life - I still have some way to go, but I'm ready to pick myself up and start living life again. Mac (now single) was in contact with me recently and we met up for dinner with a few other friends, we had a lot of catching up to do, and I still had not thanked him for all he had helped me through. We've got a few more outings with friends planned for the next few weeks, so I should be seeing him again quite soon.
My dilemma is this - I had never thought of Mac in ANY romantic way whatsoever, but now I find myself thinking about him quite often, in quite a romantic way! Only problem is that he is 10 years younger than me. I have thought long and hard about certain implications, such as me potentially not being able to give him what he might want in life (such as a family of his own, since I'm soon approaching menopause). I don't want to waste his time if he wants to find someone younger to start a family with etc etc etc. Also, I have a child of my own, and although they get along like a house on fire, he might not want to be burdened with such a responsibility. In a nutshell, I don't want to impose myself in his life if he has other life goals.
I've been told by my sister that it is presumptuous of me to decide for him, and he might want to be with me after all, but I still don't even know if he has any interest! I obviously don't want to ask him myself, because if there is no interest, I don't want to make our great friendship awkward. I want to let things run their natural course, but at the same time I want to hint to him that I'd be open to the idea of starting something slowly.
I feel like a teenager again lol! I truly don't know what to do!
Last comment on Jul 18, 2015 01:09 PM
My boyfriend said I'm a bad kisser and I feel like he suddenly turned into a bossy controlling guy
Posted anonymously on Jul 17, 2015 08:52 AM 6 Responses
I met the guy I'm currently dating, on Tinder. I'm 24, He's 23. We hit it off really well. And we've been dating for almost 2 months. He was a really sweet, polite, affectionate and pretty attentive guy. We exchanged I love yous about a month ago and things were going pretty fine. Recently I gave him a little present along with a note and I had a feeling he might have thought it was a bit intense. And he ended up talking about how he's not the kinda guy who's gonna give me a lot of time. and that he's selfish with time. And I seem like someone who needs that. I agreed that I did. He also mentioned that he doesn't meet that much. And that's been an issue with previous girlfriends. He made it sound like I should be grateful he's giving me all this behind the scenes information. But honestly it just felt like he was laying things down and I need to just be okay with it. I noticed that texts and calls sort of dwindled for a bit after that and he would only be affectionate when he was drunk.
A couple of days ago we ended up at his place and we were making out etc and this was probably the 2nd time we've been physical. Later that day he was all, Can I tell you something, But i don't want you to get offended. I said oh um okay. And then he decided against it but of course It was on my mind all day and I called him and asked if he could just tell me. He said there isn't any nice way to put this, You're a bad kisser. I sat there in silence for a while and he said maybe you should google how to fix that. I was pretty stunned. And I said wow no ones ever said that to me before. And he was all well maybe you've just never been kissed right. I was insulted and hurt and I cried a little. He didn't realize. And he then proceeded to tell me I have an ego problem. He brought up stuff I'd told him and used it against me. About how my ex left me for his previous girlfriend. And said I'm sure you would have been fine if you had done the breaking up. Like even right now. Not once did you ask how you can improve on the kissing and what exactly was wrong. You were more bothered that I had the audacity to say something like that to you. I told him he could have at least put that across in a nicer manner and he said well I didn't know how, I've never had to say that to anyone before. :/
I told him he was picking on me now and I was already upset and I dont understand why he's talking to me like this and he's SO unbothered that he upset me and acting so different from the way he was initially. He was all this is how I really am. And just kept making jokes. And I said well you're being kinda shitty. He said no I'm awesome, you just don't know it yet. I mentioned that he made me cry and he said That's stupid, dont cry. That really pisses me off. This is not a big deal. You clearly can't deal with criticism. And you always seem to care too much about what other people think. That's why you dress up so much isn't it? I said excuse me? I dress up coz I like dressing up. And he said yeah that's it, assert yourself. I told him I don't need life lessons right now. After a point he got annoyed with all my "why's" and said I was harping on about a tiny thing. I said I want answers and I'll be as annoying as I want right now. and he said Go to sleep. I was all um I don't like being told what to do and I don't particularly like bossy guys. He said my name, and said go to sleep or I will hang up and put my phone on flight mode.
So yeah, I was shocked by the entire conversation. This whole thing threw me. We've always been so...nice to each other. I'd love to think of this as our first couple fight but it seems like a little more than that. He was just so flippant. For a bit I felt like he was trying to push me to break up with him. But then he would say stuff like you don't know how to look at the bigger picture with us. And talk in future-like terms. And It felt like he was trying to mould me.
At his point I don't know what to think,
I guess the big question here is, Is my boyfriend a dominant control freak and should I leave him?
Last comment on Jul 19, 2015 01:03 PM
Do u think he likes me and what should i do?
Posted anonymously on Jul 14, 2015 02:33 PM 1 Response
I met this guy a year ago and i'm in love with him but i don't think he likes me. My friends say he does like me and they also say he stares at me and asks about me. He doesn't treat me good he makes fun of me and teases me because i'm country and he is city. He once told me to leave him alone and we rarely talk.I think about him all the time and i even dream about him every night. It is like torture to me because i LOVE him so much and i don't see him that much. I'm 12 and he is 13 and i know you are thinking i'm to young to love anyone and to even be worrying about this but i do. Do you think he likes me? I don't know what to do so can u please tell me?
Last comment on Jul 17, 2015 04:32 PM
Need advice asap imgur link below for visual
Posted anonymously on Jun 24, 2015 06:25 PM 2 Responses
I'm not good with confrontation and need opinions. What do I say to this?http://imgur.com/buAuQmo
Please feel free to say anything, I just need advice asap
Last comment on Jun 25, 2015 10:45 AM
how can I resolve this situation and get over the anger and sadness I feel?
Posted anonymously on Jun 23, 2015 09:50 PM 2 Responses
Me and my partner have been living together for 6 years. I have always worked full time and up until recently my partner has not worked. Whilst he wasn't working he did all of the household chores and made dinner etc. We had hundreds of conversations about our finances and I told my partner on hundreds of occasions that if I am going to be the only working I would like the opportunity to go to college or uni so I could at least get a job that pays enough for me to keep us both. I'd also like to mention that I absolutly hate my current job to the point that I'm depressed. My partner has continually told me to hang in there and stick it out because he plans on joining the police and at this point I could quit my job or go part time and possibly have a baby. Now, last week he started a 15 hour a week job which obviously doesn't bring in much money and I don't think he has any intention of ever doing more. I'm so angry because I was fully prepared to keep him as long as I was able to get a degree. But now I've wasted so much time based on his false promise. I feel like he could have been honest with me and took a full time job for a little while so that I could get my degree. Instead im now stuck working fulll time in a job I can't stand in order to pay the bills and not much time to work on my degree whilst he works 15 hours a week. Why didn't he give me the opportunity is it so much to ask for what I was willing to give in return?
Last comment on Jun 25, 2015 12:36 PM
Posted anonymously on Jun 13, 2015 04:42 AM 5 Responses
I have been dating my current girlfriend for about 8 months now. We have gone through a few bumps in this time and worked through them together. I am absolutely in love with her and would do anything for her. She is very independent and very stubborn. We live very different lives as she works about 6 - 7 days a week doing what she loves. The only time i get to spend with her is the odd day she is off or the evenings i visit her. I dont work nearly as much ad have WAY more time on my hands. I support her fully with her career choice. I am there when she needs me for support. Our intimate life is suffering now too. Working such long hours and days makes her exhausted most of the time. She has a dog she loves dearly and it feels like she is more inclined to make time for him than me. We both got flu recently and all i wanted was to take care of her but she wanted none of that. I got really ill and asked if i could stay with her until i felt better. Its been a very up and down roller coaster few days. I am feeling very confused and have no idea which way to turn. I am so in love with her that it would kill me if i lost her because i did not try hard enough. I saw a message from her uncle asking her if she's married yet. Her reply was that she doesnt think she will ever get married. This is what i want and she has told me she thinks about it.
How do i approach this confusion and get her to talk to me?
Last comment on Jun 18, 2015 07:17 PM