Rebound or Real?
Posted anonymously on Oct 17, 2014 08:48 PM 5 Responses
Six years ago I met my best friend. He was in a brand new relationship and I was dating around, a few months later I entered my own relationship. About a year ago, my relationship ended. About 4 months ago, his relationship ended. So to talk it to death, we both just got out of 5+ year things.
Throughout the past 6 years we have been close, talking at least a little almost every day and generally being good supports for each other, through good and bad. When my relationship ended and through the past year when I was very unhappy, he is who I turned to to vent my frustrations and everything. I was always who he came to when he needed advice or relationship help, etc. We were just great friends, truly.
Aside from like two or three isolated incidents, we never even really joked about dating each other. It really was platonic.
A few months ago when his relationship fell apart, I of course was right there for him. The first day it happened I helped him move out, and the following weekend I dragged him out with my friends to help distract him. It stayed very platonic while he processed his hurt and I continued to date other people.
About two months ago we slept together and now we're (for all intents and purposes) in a relationship. It all happened very gradually and smoothly, and felt natural. He's very good to me, and I him, and I see a lot for us in the future.
But. I have a couple of hang ups.
For one, he still talks to his ex girlfriend. This is a girl who he lived with, who manipulated him and made him compromise on everything, who eventually said she wasn't getting enough from the relationship and ended up kissing a coworker and asking my friend for space, then immediately sleeping with the coworker the day after my friend moved out. This is a girl he had a six year relationship/friendship with, but who hurt him and cheated on him and never appreciated him. I understand it's hard to sever all ties after 6 years, and that it's only been a few months since this happened to them, but I don't understand how he could want someone who treated him that way to stay in his life.
It makes me worry that I'm just a rebound or replacement. Is he with me because I was there when he needed someone? Is he with me out of habit? Did we fall into a routine by simply replacing our missing pieces with each other? OR, did we get together so quickly because maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along? Did we just ignore all the signs until we were both available to each other?
I want to believe that it's the latter; that we were just always bound to happen. We eventually got here and we're both happy. He has told me how glad he is now that all the stuff happened in both of our other relationships, because the result is that we're together now.
I truly am happy with him but I want to be cautious still. He's still so fresh from his breakup, and I'm at an age where anyone I commit to is someone I can see a long future with. I worry about our timing and whether or not one or both of us may not really be ready for a deep commitment.
I'm a practical Patty and an over-thinker, but I think my worries are smart here. I don't know. What do you guys think?
Last comment on Oct 23, 2014 02:21 PM
Why did i get married?
Posted anonymously on Oct 16, 2014 07:12 PM 4 Responses
In 2011, I lived in Germany with my military family close to the time of Thanksgiving I met this guy. This guy gave me the most attention ive could ever ask for, he treated me with the most respect and he made me feel like I was a queen but because of highschool issues and to avoid drama we decided to keep our relationship a secret as he was very popular and I didn't stand out enough. During the time we had together we got extremely close with eachother couldn't stand to go a day without talking to eachother. Unfortunately his family as well as mine was military and he was leaving Germany after new years, the split tore us apart and the very last day he told me he loved me. We talked every for the next two weeks after he was stationed in Florida. What happened after that was history he started school again and so did I we moved on and apart from one another never to speak again. Eventually I ended up moving back to the states and and graduated and so on, I moved out and landed myself in Missouri in 2013. i always checked in on him curious as to how he was and when i found out he had found a girl, joined the military and married her i deleted my facebook and tried to forget it all. 2014 rolled around and I met guy number two, I convinced myself hes the one and we dated for about 8 months never separated and he lived in my apartment. Recently we got married and its been nothing but stress and hell, constantly fighting and crying yelling and wanting to leave each other because of issues that constantly come up. You see hes a drunk and craves constant attention from other people, so he needs to have a million and one eyes on him at all times. conceited. As of 4 days ago i decided maybe it about time i put my facebook back up and get back in contact with old friends jump back on the planet and let everyone know im not dead. Not even a day after it was up, i get a facebook friend request from guess who. Guy number one.
We have been talking now everyday nonstop, talking about how things use to be and about how things are now. How much we miss each other and what we miss about each and how we wish we could see each other.
It seems like we have fallen back to our old way. He made a comment to me that he wants to come see me and he wants to make sure im happy take care of me because he cares about me. How he regrets letting me go and wishes he didn't join the military or get married or move away because things between us could have been perfect. He told me he thinks he wants to leave his wife (who is absolutely beautiful) because he cant get me off his mind and he has never felt like this with anyone but me the feelings came back when we started talking and he cant stop.
We Skype while hes at work and i can talk to him all day long until my husband gets home and when he goes home to his wife i get very delayed responses. Today, he told me he loves me and its not just a fling or a phase he cant shake the feeling and he doesn't want to but he doesn't know how to go about only being with me.
I cant just tell him to get a divorce and i don't know if i cant just leave my horrible marriage behind for something i don't know if definite. I believe what he tells me and that he loves me, he plans to come visit me and asks me daily what can i do to make you believe me.
Its gotten to the point that i cant stand to be around my husband i have to kind of attraction to him at all anymore and i cant have sex with him because i feel wrong. I cant pretend i love this man when i am secretly telling another i love him. But hes also telling his wife he loves her.
All of this is very confusing.
Should i leave my life behind and pursue one with guy number one.
or should i wait to see where this goes with him and stay with my husband only to cause more confusion for him.
I am so lost..
Last comment on Oct 17, 2014 12:56 PM
I just pretty much maybe killed my ex chance with her new guy friend adivce plz .....?
Posted anonymously on Sep 29, 2014 02:01 AM 4 Responses
Me and my ex starting talking as friends again I break up with her she was doing some f up stuff nothing too big .... Anyway we had a small fight today because I told her guy friend that she's been on one date with that I was going too fight for her n too be ready for a love war.... So she said ooo now am stuck with you ... your the waste i ever dated that am the bad guy n am a dick that am the reason we break up .... So I got upset n did something dumb after she blocked me ..... I pretty much message her guy friend again m told
Him everything she did n sent him a message pic of what she did I know it's wrong of me too do that but I was so sick of being made out too be the bad guy ... Anyway do u think I have any chance of getting back with my ex after doing this ? he's the rebound guy btw oo yea he's what my ex did
Here's what my ex did
She Had 5 guys flirt with her n saying inappropriate things too her then wanted too hang out with a guy that all most raped her for a month I had too deal with hearing all the inappropriate things they said too her. N if I said anything she would say your being controling I can never do what ever the **** I want or hey am not flirting back .. She would not block them or tell then too stop or stop telling me all this I had too deal with it for a month n she was hiding all this from me as first I only let it happen because it was just online n she was very insecure I mean I just asked her too stop telling me at least respect me enough too stop telling me ....
What I did
She started a fight the next day for no reason I got upset n sick of being push around told her too **** herself for the 2rd time ever then told her I want her too prove too me she loves me n that she will change or I would leave her does that make me a dick ? When she was doing all this ? So tell me after all this can I win her back after maybe fucking up her chances with the new guy I was going too stop talking too my ex n fix my life first I'll be in collage the same one as her in 3 n half weeks n getting my drives L for free n a free car anyway like it says can I win my ex back after doing this ?btw her guy friend has not seen the message yet but when he does he might not want the stress in his life I mean the message I sent him it's clean too anyone she was a f up gf
Last comment on Sep 30, 2014 02:17 PM
Need some advice.
Posted anonymously on Sep 22, 2014 08:20 PM 3 Responses
I treated my fiancé really bad and she end up falling in love with someone else. I went to her house and I begged her for forgiveness. So now she came back and now she acts like she doesn't even care about me. I've been trying and trying to show her that I'm a changed man but she doesn't care. I feel like she just wants to use me so she can finish collage then move out and leave me all alone.
Last comment on Oct 23, 2014 01:37 PM
I feel ashamed of my best friend.
Posted anonymously on Sep 17, 2014 08:41 PM 6 Responses
WARNING: Very long rant.
Hey, I'm a freshman girl in High School and am struggling with an issue with my best friend (who is also a freshman girl). Lets call her Alex. Okay so Alex and I have been best friends since 1st grade. She was always a little nerdy in elementary school but it wasn't as severe back then. I was shy and kinda nerdy too. We hung out 24/7 and formed an inseparable bond. We didn't end up going to the same middle school but we still talked everyday and hung out weekly. She was always herself around me. I could notice my own personality was maturing and I found a love in fashion and all things beauty. I started to open up in middle school and made a lot of new friends with similar interests. I started slowly realizing that Alex and had an extremely different personality than me and she was kind of a geek. She began to obsess over Anime and Manga. Japanese slurs fell into her vocabulary and made me feel a bit annoyed whenever she used them. I also began to notice how her outfits weren't as fashion forward as mine were. She never wore makeup or did anything with her hair and dressed very plain and nerdy. She had went to a uniform school and wasn't used to picking out outfits everyday like she'd have to in high school. She didn't have much care about how she looked but I decided to ignore it. We graduated middle school and were both super excited to start High School together at the same school. She talked about how great she'd look in high school and how we'd spend every lunch together. And then when school began (A month ago), she showed up to the first day of school in an embarrassing outfit. She wore a tight fitted grey tee shirt with baggy grey capris and grey converse with long frilly socks. People gave her looks. She could tell I was surprised. I had given her much of my nice old clothes over the Summer which she said she liked. I gave her outfit suggestions based on the clothes in her closet for the rest of the week. She made excuses such as it's "in the wash", she "couldn't find it" or other excuses. She continued wearing nerdy outfits out of laziness. She basically threw on the first outfit she pulled out of her drawer. I decided for her own good to let her know about her fashion. I called her one day after school and said "I love you as a friend and needed to let you know that your outfits reveal an unconfident, lazy personality. You should put more effort into your outfits to feel more confident at school. I'm doing this because I care about you." And it was because I cared about her, if I didn't care I'd ditch her completely. She cried a little but understood and admitted her outfits revealed she was not confident. She began to put slightly more effort into her appearance, but eventually she'd be too lazy and stop taking my suggestions. Not only that, but she brought a nerdy, purple insulated lunch box everyday. I remembered she had a lunch box in elementary school but assumed she had stopped using it by middle school. I was wrong. She brought it to school everyday which embarrassed me. I dropped hints saying "why don't you bring a brown bag? you can throw it away and won't have to bring it back home." She made excuses like "My parents would get mad if I got rid of it. What's wrong with it anyway?" Barely anyone used lunch boxes in my high school, only weirdos and nerds. But I guessed she enjoyed being a nerd. She continued using annoying Japanese phrases like calling me "senpai" or saying "desu" it bothered me greatly and I told her not to say those things around me. She tried but nerd phrases sometimes slipped out. She enjoyed being with me at lunch but I always questioned in my head why I still hung out with her and how I even became friends with her in the first place. I regarded those thoughts as selfish, she had been my best friend for over 8 years. I tried to ignore her nerdy personality and enjoy her as a person. I tried and tried but everyday my mind thought in an angry way. I wanted to be with my other friends who shared interests with me and not feel embarrassed. I wanted to feel proud of my friends. You're probably wondering, why didn't I bring Alex over to hang out with my other friends all together at lunch? Alex was awkward with others. She creeped people out, hugging people when she first met them and talking to them like they were her family. It made others feel awkward. I had seen it when I introduced her to one of my friends. She couldn't possibly fit in with the rest of them. They wouldn't make fun of her, but it would always feel awkward. I feel so embarrassed of her at school but I still feel like I can tell her about all my other personal issues. I love her as my friend and thats why I'm struggling here. I know I probably sound like the most conceited bitch ever, but what do I do? I can never enjoy myself when I'm with her at school. Please help <3
Last comment on Sep 20, 2014 07:36 AM
How should I tell him or let him know?
Posted anonymously on Sep 07, 2014 08:11 AM 3 Responses
I really like this boy that goes to my school thats Im 50% sure he might like me but I dont want to tell him I like him or ask him if he likes me back because if he doesnt then its going to be so awkward
I was hoping you could help me, my friends tell me I shouldn't stay in the friend-zone for too long because then I probably stay there and that I have to act like I like him, like show it to him, but I dont know what to do, how do I get around to the topic? How do I tell him?
Last comment on Sep 09, 2014 09:03 PM
Lonely and probably stupidly hopeful. Some advice would be nice.
Posted anonymously on Aug 18, 2014 06:48 AM 5 Responses
So I'm young, 18 to be honest. I had one very serious relationship before this, fully sexual (excessively sexual actually, but I wasn't complaining) and ever since that ended, most other relationships have gone to complete shit rather quickly, both at my fault and theirs. I've been quite unlucky since my first score to be honest. However, now I find myself in an odd position. Everyone's going to college, I myself am not. Why am I not, you may ask? First of all because I'm aware college is not a wish fulfillment factory. Second, I'm a musician/actor, and have already had a decent enough success to have a shot at making it, and I have recently had an amazing opportunity thrown at my feet that could shoot my into a record deal. However, I have, through all this character building and freedom, missed out on the best part of college...
Girls. Cause let's face it, what's life without them if you're a straight guy? (Lots and lots of masturbating. Which I've already figured out.)
So here now is the actual question. How do I remedy this? Unlike most of my peers, I haven't been thrown into a social pot where we're all forced to see each other. I can hide in my cave if I want to. Well this sucks, cause to be honest it's going on two years now that I've been alone and fuck it I'm lonely. I would like someone to share this shit with, and to cuddle with, and to have sex with, but currently aside from a sex doll my options are limited. So... got any advice for me on this dating scene? I skipped out on the four bumper years of college sadly and got straight into the mandibles of life, but I still like college girls (and who the hell doesn't?), so some help with this dilemma would be great.
Part 2 (didn't see that coming did you?)
On top of this, there is a girl. She's freaking gorgeous, her humor is perfectly dry, and she's so smart it scares me. AKA, perfect. I also think she might have similar feelings, because while I may be a hell of a lot smoother than I once was, I'm still a general broadcaster of my affections, and also I pretty much told her so by offering to pay for her ticket to EDC (electric daisy carnival) so I can go with her. I'm not stupid, she's not the only option I'm limiting myself to. She has no reason to limit herself to me at the moment, and I have no reason to expect that, and I myself have no reason to limit myself. However, we're at a pretty flirty stage of the game. I've gotten here before. Here is where I trip up. So here's where advice would be great. She goes to school five hours or so away, which is a problem. She's also older by two years, which for some reason our society thinks that if the vagina is older than the penis the world will end (which I hope she doesn't come to that conculsion) aside from those two obstacles were both musicians and both (I'd like to think anyway) thinkers, contemplaters and fairly intelligent. So the question here is how do I approach this to make it grow? (Withhold your penis jokes please.) I'm also a shit texter by the way. I get distracted to easily by what I'm doing. But yeah. Basically I've met many girls, but none as wonderful strange as this one, and whatever chance in hell I have with her I want to keep. So yeah, any sage words of advice?
Last comment on Aug 21, 2014 06:17 AM
Will I be any good at this?
Posted by reallynewtothiskindastuff on Jul 09, 2014 07:47 PM 3 Responses
Okay... Well. I've kinda been saving myself for after highschool, because the one thing I would hate to happen is for me to get pregnant or some type of STD or something without at least a highschool diploma in my hands... So, I've stayed away from boys. Now, I always flirt with dudes. I don't know how or why... But it just happens, it's kind of natural. But anything more than a hug, just. doesn't. happen.
Now, I've had little bfs and stuff before, but nothing that I think could ever really count as any experience. I've never had sex. Like any kind. Ever. But I read A LOT about it. Just because it's something I'm curious about. I haven't kissed a guy in like... you know, it's been so long I don't even know. So I've never had a real kiss... a real boyfriend... a real anything. Anyways... I'm almost about to graduate, and I'll basically be a complete virgin to the world. No sex XP, no kissing XP. All I've done is read stuff about how to do something or watched videos (not porn, that stuff is just... I can't deal.) Like... I can't even use tampons, because they hurt like FUCKKKKK. How will I ever be ready for the 'D'?
But anyways... I don't know if I'll be ready for someone when the time comes, or if they'll be ready for me. I can't think of any dude ever who will have any kind of patience for a girl who doesn't know how to do SHIT. What should I do? Will I be any good at this? Or did am I really not a virgin at all because I fucked myself by not getting any experience? Sorry for the long story :P
Last comment on Jul 16, 2014 05:36 PM
does he like me
Posted anonymously on Jun 28, 2014 11:44 PM 5 Responses
ok well im a young teen fwi and i dated this guy when i was 12 and he was my first kiss and we were "in love",but he dumped me for another girl, he seriously dumped me on my way to lunch then by the end of lunch was dating this girl. Well now its a few years later and idk if he might like me. hes single and ive been delicate about the situation, i talked to him only twice after we broke up cuz he never has his phone. well my friend was talking to him apparently and she asked my over text if i still liked him and i said yes and he told him and he aid he MIGHT get back together with me. but idk if hes just saying that cuz he want a girlfriend. he was surprised that after all the mean things he said about me after we broke up that i still like him. but idk and i really wanna know! please help :'(
Last comment on Jul 09, 2014 07:53 PM
Keeping her head in the game
Posted anonymously on Jun 21, 2014 10:09 AM 4 Responses
So I've been with my fiancee for about 7 years now. About three years ago, our sex life began to look somewhat questionable. We've since been working to get things more regular and enjoyable. I've been having a hard time getting her to the end, by any means. And I have invested significant amounts of time, I would gladly stay down there for another hour, but she usually cuts it off. Her claim is that her mind wanders, she thinks about groceries and house chores. I've diagnosed this situation as sexual add. I think, at least in part, there's something for me to do here to pull her into the game better. Though after I make that assertion, I do find myself without great ideas.
Maybe our sex isn't that hot, sometimes i find myself thinking back to our hottest sessions together, that's how i get to the end. And I feel she too should do her best to stay in the right headspace. But can I blame her if it's a struggle to mentally achieve a sexual place? So to a certain degree, we're both a bit 'off'.
Last comment on Jun 23, 2014 02:03 PM