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Vibe: 1

Trying to save my marriage

Posted by ScaryBusey on Apr 17, 2015 02:47 PM 1 Response

Background: My spouse and I were married in 2013, we split indefinitely after their ex had their kid (3 months after the marriage) and saw other people. In 2014 I jumped from town to town running from addiction and abusive partners. I was homeless and my organs were slowly starting to shut down. My spouse's ex and child had moved out earlier in the year, so I called and begged to come home. Within two weeks I was detoxing 6 hours away from where I'd been, on my spouse's couch. Once I started meeting people in this area, my spouse had proposed a 4-way. I caved, and it was a mortifying experience that I don't want to witness again any time soon. I have a hard time seeing my spouse with other people. They let it go for a month, then went behind my back to try and arrange another one with two of our friends. I didn't know they were texting back and forth until one of them showed me what was going on. I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying for a couple days. I felt so betrayed and used... Why did he go behind my back? He told me he had been scared and didn't want to lose me, eventually I forgave him, but my trust has been shakey. Our place is small, and sometimes if too many people crash here people will crash in our bed. The friend that told me about everything approached me again a few weeks later. Apparently my spouse and them had been fondling eachother in bed through the night. I confronted my spouse, who begged me not to go and said it wouldn't happen again. The next morning the friend's lipstick was all over my spouse's back, but I wrote that off as "that's why you don't wear makeup to bed" and kept an eye open. I've been here for 4 months now. I have been 100% loyal to my spouse. My spouse was acting on edge and convinced I was gonna leave out of nowhere. Last Saturday I found out that the same friend had been dry humped by my spouse in my bed with me next to them. I was asleep and they were drunk, but my spouse his this from me for a few days before this friend came clean again... The friend wanted my spouse in them, but apparently my spouse "snapped out of it" and took a shower... I was shattered. I love my spouse with all my heart and I don't really have family to turn to... Should I just turn a blind eye? My body is a mess from the drug use, I'm about 5'5 and 150lbs, and I personally don't think I'm attractive. The last person I witnessed my spouse screw was twice my size, but the ones they sneak around with are both skinny and one is a cross dresser. Does my spouse have the capacity to be loyal? Or am I wasting my time?

Last comment on Apr 17, 2015 09:02 AM

Vibe: 1

5 years and fighting to finish the LDR

Posted anonymously on Apr 17, 2015 04:42 AM 5 Responses

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for about five years. He treats me well, he is kind and loving to my family, and he works very hard to make sure his family is taken care of. Here's the thing: we've been long distance for 5 years. We have had rough patches but always found a way to make this work. Some insecurities exist in our relationship because he is 28, and graduating with a bachelors in science this spring (never had held a full time job while I at 24, have held a full time job for 2 years), and knows that I want to travel the world. But he says he cannot, that he owes himself and his mother and grandfather the best care. I respect this. I admire it and love him deeper for it. But it kills me on the inside- my biggest dreams in life have been to see and help people around the world before I settle down. He reacts so negatively when I, in a light mood, talk about every dream place or duty I have for myself- like, he gets uncontrollable nervous and upset- because, I know, we both feel on the inside that I am waiting for him to have that financial security, and maybe his obligations will never allow him to do that, in a time frame of the next 3-4 years like I hope. What do you think? Is it time for me to do what I need to do? I feel incredibly selfish, but my heart needs to setyle this before I am married (and I think he's planning on proposing when he does get that full time job).

Last comment on Apr 17, 2015 09:45 AM

Vibe: 0

No confidence anymore

Posted anonymously on Apr 07, 2015 11:50 AM 4 Responses

recently I have been feeling really self conscious, I've never been the most confident person in the world but lately it's been worse partly because I have a holiday coming up and I'm going to have to brave getting into a bikini and secondly I've just lost my job But I have found my bf makes me feel worse. It's nothing that he does on purpose but because he is so confident and I'm not I feel even worse about myself like I should be like him and be full of confidence. He is border line arrogant though which really bugs me. I have told him but he just laughs it off but his attitude makes me feel worse :/

Last comment on Apr 17, 2015 07:53 AM

Vibe: 2

How to file for child support?

Posted anonymously on Apr 04, 2015 01:20 PM 5 Responses

Any advice? I had a child with a man I was not married to, and when he found out she was his (via legal paternity test done together), he asked me not to file for child support. I was uncomfortable saying I would, so I unfortunately agreed. But that was when I was military and had more money coming in. Now, since I retired (she's nearly 2 years old now) I've struggled and run up credit card bills. I can barely afford food and daycare. I'm selling off possessions, close to filing bankruptcy ... It's been such a struggle, and I've had to rely on family. He still says he's so glad I've "helped" him by not asking for money. I barely made it through this month, and only did so because I asked him for $100 ... he keeps saying he loves her, wants to help "one day, when he can." I'm so scared to file. Are there mediators or people I can go to who can help me figure out how to do this? Have I lost all rights to do so now that I've waited 2 years? I know I need a lawyer, but cannot afford one. Anyone here have any experience/advice?

Last comment on Apr 05, 2015 07:08 AM

Vibe: 0

Is there a point where you stop caring about trust issues?

Posted anonymously on Apr 03, 2015 01:54 PM 2 Responses

I am not trusted in my relationship. My partner insists that I am but behavior just shows time and again that I am not. We've been together almost ten years, I've never been unfaithful. A year and change ago, an ex friended me on facebook. For a while, the only interactions were just normal liking or commenting on various facebook crap. Never anything more than any other facebook friend. Then my grandfather died. Like a normal person, she offered condolences and we had a conversation because she knew him. This set my partner off and in the weeks after I was told to get rid of her altogether. I did. We are no longer facebook friends and I have had no contact with this person whatsoever. My partner constantly stalks her thru her facebook. She constantly checks my phone and emails and facebook for any signs of cheating, presumably with this person but could be anyone. I don't hide or delete anything so this isn't an issue but the lack of trust is. I'm told that if I'm not doing anything wrong then I shouldn't have anything to hide. What bothers me is that we're now like 9 months later and she's still checking my stuff and still stalking my ex. Still hasn't found anything, but it really hurts and every time I bring it up it's a huge fight. There's also a double standard because she's quite good friends with her ex and other exes and I really don't stop her from being friends with anybody. But anytime she suspects something of me all of my stuff gets rifled thru and I walk around on eggshells so that I don't say anything about it. In short, how do I stop caring about this?

Last comment on Apr 04, 2015 08:04 PM

Vibe: 1

I just wanted to vent out and needed an advice

Posted by fauxnora on Apr 01, 2015 06:39 PM 3 Responses

We are LDR. Yesterday, we argued about me suddenly changing plans. -- long story about changing of plans -- It was monday, I was supposed to play that night with a friend but I changed my mind (since we are LDR and I wanted to spend time with her) and thought that we should at least watch an anime before me playing. but then my a friend of mine asked if we can come over to his house tomorrow (tuesday), so I told her that I won't be playing that night and we'll just watch anime the whole night. She told me that she was going out in wednesday so I told my friends that we move the plan in Wednesday (since she wont be at home that day) -- she got pissed and she hung up on me. I got angry so I didn't called her back. After an hour or so, I messaged her and tried to talk to her. Sending cute and funny stickers and trying to make her laugh. It worked though, but when I told her that it was an overnight stay, she got angry again (angry because I didn't told her upfront/that it was so childish not telling her upfront) and things got worse, she started telling me that I dont care for her. that I didn't even called her back after she hunged up. now everything's downhill from there. She started telling me that all she wanted was affection. That I should show that I love her. I tried to tell her that I love her; that I don't want her to go away but she rebutted everything I said. She's telling me that I am not making an effort in being affectionate to her and understanding her. I tried, I repeatedly told her I am sorry if I didn't told her directly that it was an overnight stay and that I didn't called her back. I explained why I did those things. I told her I didn't call her back because I dont want to say stupid things (since I was angry at that time). It was a wall of text. I told her I love her, I pleaded her not to breakup. But still, that wasn't the thing that she wanted from me. She repeatedly saying that I don't know what she wants. But deep in my mind, she wanted affection and I am wrong if I thought that is what I was giving her. Long story short, I managed to make up with her by wooing her and making her laugh. Today, we are okay (I think) and as I am writing this, I am thinking of something we can do today since I won't be going to work.

Last comment on Apr 03, 2015 08:03 AM

Vibe: 0

HELP !!!!

Posted anonymously on Mar 19, 2015 10:16 AM 1 Response


Last comment on Mar 19, 2015 11:05 AM

Vibe: 0

one night stand.. does he like me or not?

Posted anonymously on Mar 11, 2015 07:40 AM 3 Responses

I met this guy in a club over the weekend. He wasn't local and was here on business trip so didn't have a local number. All he gave me was a work email address, took my phone and sent himself an email and said he will write me again. But after a few drinks, we headed back to his hotel. The sex was amazing and he was very sweet. He even wanted to cuddle and have pillow talk after sex and also prepared toothbrush etc for me for the morning. We had sex again in the morning and cuddled for the longest time. He walked me down to get a taxi and I went back. The next day I wrote him an email asking if he was interested to have a drink, he replied me a couple hours later and said he could do drinks with me but would be late at night. I said ok and was waiting for him in my friend's bar. He was an hour late so i thought he wasn't coming but was surprised and happy when he showed up. I could tell he was very tired when he got to the bar, he came directly after his work. So after a drink we went back to his hotel and this time i wasn't drunk. The sex was even better than the last time and after sex we cuddled again and he asked started asking me how many relationships i've had, if i thought he's cute and how would i rate the sex blah blah.. He said i was definitely in his top 3 of all his relationships and that he loved how much i turn him on (not sure if this is some form of tactic to make me feel special). As we were falling asleep with me wrapped up in his arms, he suddenly jerked me up and said "come on, lets go to the roof. you'd love it, the view is amazing and we could have a smoke there" (i told him before we went to sleep that i would love to have a cigarette right now and he said he will have one too and started to yawn so i said it's ok since he's so tired he should rest). At that point, I thought he was so sweet and thoughtful. He told me he had a conference call at 6am but he would rather i stay the night and leave before his call (emphasised how sorry he was to have to wake me up early too). We cuddled and he hugged me so tight and said "now you don't want me to go back, do you?" I shook my head and he hugged me even tighter and said "i'm glad you like me". So 6am came and his phone was screaming, i woke up in shock of the alarm and he wrapped his arms around me and said "shh.. dont bother about it, sleep baby". he took the call and signal that i should just sleep in and not leave. We had sex again after his call and he said we should just snooze for 10 mins and head down for breakfast. During breakfast, he was being so sweet again and i was at that point starting to fall for him. He told me he had to jump into another call, i said he should take it up his room and he asked if i would go up too but i didn't wanna overstay my welcome and chose to head home. Later in the afternoon I wrote him again, asking if he wanted to meet up again but only got a reply like 5 hours later saying he would be too tired to head out but i am very welcome over his place. I replied i would go over in a while and asked if he's already back in the hotel but got no reply. I know he has a early morning flight and we stayed up so late the night before, he's probably tired. I got an reply from him in the middle of the night saying he fell asleep and that he was very sorry but i have yet to reply him. Now I know he will be flying in and out the country for work so he will definitely be back. The thing is he only gave me his work email and not his private one, he does not have Facebook and i can't add him there. He has a phone but didn't give me his number (could be a work phone for all i know). So basically i have no means of contacting him except for his work email which in this current era, is kinda stupid to me. My question is, does he actually like me at all? Should i reply his email and what should i say in my email?

Last comment on Mar 11, 2015 10:28 PM

Vibe: 0

relationship advice should I stay?

Posted anonymously on Mar 05, 2015 08:19 AM 6 Responses

Ive been in a relationship for six years and my partner has never had a steady job. He is 33 and I am 26. He's a film maker and tells me it is the nature of the career he has chosen. One year ago he moved to another country on the pre-tense of getting work, since then he has had a job for only two months of this year. The rest of the time he is doing what he calls freelance work he is making online videos to add to his show reel but he is not getting paid. Im am getting frustrated with this situation as we have been maintaining a long term relationship for 1 yr now and I feel there is no reason to be. It came to a head today when I called him and said i would book and pay for flights for him to come home this weekend (I know he does not have any work this weekend) and he has refused to take me up on the offer. Am i being selfish to want him to live in the same country as me and is there any way to put across my worries about him not working without it sounding like I am nagging

Last comment on Mar 06, 2015 09:32 AM

Vibe: 0

Does he actually want to hang out, or is he just being nice?

Posted anonymously on Mar 04, 2015 07:27 PM 2 Responses

So today I texted a guy who I really like. I asked him if he would like to hang out or talk sometime to get to know each other better. He replied saying: "I'd be happy to hang out sometime and chat!" Does that mean he just wants to be friends, or does he want to actually hang out with me? Or is he just trying to be nice?

Last comment on Mar 05, 2015 12:07 PM