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Vibe: 1

Very confused

Posted anonymously on Dec 12, 2014 08:54 PM 3 Responses

I have been with my husband for quite sometime now but have been very confused. After over 5 years, I am finally coming to the conclusion that I am in an abusive marriage. I have a child with him on the way and am upset that my mixed feelings are even stronger than they were before. It gets to the point where I go to sleep crying. He yells at me, criticizes me and "talking" does not exist. Our discussions turn into yelling. I get told that I am a sucky person and he hates being around me....Everything that you can think of, I have been told or called that. Sometimes it has gotten to the point of him shoving me, pushing me, choking me or pinning me down. I have called the police before but am always too scared to tell the truth. I'm so confused. I make myself think his anger is okay and that he will change eventually. I can't talk to him about my feelings, my confidence is non existent. I miss when he used to treat me like a queen. Now it's just me making the effort to make him happy. I don't even know how to begin to leave or make him understand. If I told him I wanted a separation or divorce, it would only turn ugly.

Last comment on Dec 12, 2014 03:21 PM

Vibe: 3

Please Help: Dog in Trouble from Owner, My Neglectful Boyfriend - How Do I Intervene?

Posted anonymously on Dec 10, 2014 08:13 AM 20 Responses

I REALLY need help. I'm not a dog lover. Never wanted to be, but I would never intentionally hurt a dog ever. I felt sorry for my ex who lost his home and had nowhere to go, along with his dog. His dog was only supposed to be at my place a couple of days tops, and then he was to find a home, any home; but it was not to be with me, as I could get evicted for having a pet of any kind in my apartment. I have a little girl who also needs a roof over her head, so this is serious business. Now, I don't know what to do, how to get him out, but first, to get the dog out. I don't want any part of owning a dog. If he's not here, the dog lunges for my front door and claws at it and won't listen to me; so the only solution he's had is to put her in a crate. The dog (she) is hurting herself on the crate he keeps her in though. She is very strong and smart at loosening the latches on it. Should I take her and let her loose in the wild? Like I said, I know nothing about dogs, period. It seems the pound might hurt her badly, and at least letting her loose gives her a shot at finding another owner? He says he's tried to have her adopted and called up rescue places, but they haven't been helpful. I cannot deal with her another day, and what he's doing is bordering on abuse. I go on and on about it with him, but he just tells me he's "tired of hearing about it." I have the urge to stick her in my car and drive far into the country and let her go find a better home. But it's his dog, so will I get into trouble for doing so, even if he's hurting her inadvertently? Ack! I just don't know. I don't want to get him into trouble, but her nose is all pink and bloodied from the crate, and she just doesn't seem smart enough to stop hurting herself. She's like a wild animal. WHAT the heck is the RIGHT thing to do? Please help me. I want out of this stupid situation that I got into all for being wishy-washy with him, but I think the dog deserves better. He is trying to keep her like this until he goes on a trip around the country in his new RV in March; but this is NOT going to fly for me, and he is nowhere close to trying to find her a home. He's not even working. Just parked himself on my couch, and now I can't get rid of him either. I feel so trapped and that I can't ask someone I know either :( I'm a working professional woman, loving mom, trying to have a normal, CALM life. I don't want to live in drama nor in a zoo! #dog #dogs #animal #animals #pet #pets #abuse #cruelty #humanesociety

Last comment on Dec 12, 2014 02:02 PM

Vibe: 1

he disappeared 13 days ago

Posted anonymously on Dec 06, 2014 01:35 AM 10 Responses

Heres my very long and detailed story. I met someone online and he was very consistent In texting me. Every day from good mornings to good night's and sometimes we would talk on the phone. We agreed to meet 2 weeks later. The first date was awesome I felt we had a great connection. Dinner and movies. Ended with a peck on the lips. I did notice he mentioned his ex a lot during dinner by the way. .. We continued texting and talking daily and he asked me out again. A week later we went on a second date. (Saturday)dinner and movies and a walk. Short french kiss. on Monday I met him for lunch in his town 40 miles away. Lengthy french kiss there. He was in my town later that day for work and we met again. Full blown makeout session. Wednesday we met for coffee and Friday he came for a breakfast date where he took me to a park to feed the ducks and walk in a rose garden. Saturday we went on another date. That night I couldn't resist so I invited him In. He seemed like he wanted to take it slower bc we pretty much just cuddled and went to bed. The next morning I asked him for it so we had sex (really wish I've waited) he went home and came back that night. We continued texting but now his text were a lot less than before but still consistent everyday. He asked me out again for Saturday but I told him I had to go to a birthday party. I invited him just to be nice. I didn't think he'd agree but he said that would be fun. He came and met my brothers everything was fine. He spent the whole weekend with me. Monday came and I passed through his town so I saw him twice. When I got home he texted me that his ex called with some crazy shit that she just had a baby and it was his. I vaguely remember he told me his ex was pregnant. I just never caught on that it couldve been his. I didn't text him for a while after that. He texted me that this does not change anything between us. For the next few days I was distant towards him. He said he's not interested in his ex and she's not interested in him. His feelings for me hasn't changed. So I continued talking to him. I came to his apartment on Thursday we did not have sex. Just eat and watch tv. He invited me to his Christmas party for work so I invited him for thanksgiving. He said he was excited. Saturday he came to see me after he watched his 3 or 4 week old baby. I thought it was strange that the mom would just leave the baby to him. He doesn't have any other kids. He told me he had to Google about newborns. He sent me a couple pictures of her she was so cute looked just like him. He came to see me that Saturday we went to dinner. I thought it was strange he seemed agitated that he had to give his child's mother $1000. He was talking all this crap about her even showed me a picture of her in his phone. Total disrespect. I said you still like her bc you keep talking about her. He disagreed but I'm not dumb. So after dinner we went to the movies and he stayed Sunday as well. We continued texting and talking and saw each other a couple times that week. He then told me he had to watch his baby Saturday and Sunday so he suggested I stay with him Saturday night and he would stay with me Sunday night. Saturday night I noticed he was a bit distant but we were watching a movie so not much talking. We had sex that night. I went home the next morning. Didn't hear from him until 3 or 4pm. He tried to make small talk. Then he continued to say his baby's momma Needs a break he might have to watch the baby overnight. He would tell me when he found out. I was furious not because he cancelled but by the way he said it and bc "baby momma" said she needed a break. I felt so stupid at that moment. I just texted back that I understand. He then texted me "can you talk?" It sounded like the dreaded break up words coming but I wasn't sure. I just texted back I might call back later if I get home early enough I'm about to go eat. I never heard from him again. I haven't tried to contact him either. Fear of rejection. Even though I already got rejected from him vanishing into thin air. It's been 13 days now. I guess he just wasn't that into me or he tried to make it work with the ex? Or he just wasn't interested anymore. Since then I see him on the online dating site again. I viewed his page once hoping to get attention but I still haven't heard anything. I know I need to move on. I'm trying I just think about him all the time even though he's hurt me this way. I feel so used and disposable. I really thought I was special but I was silly to think that. It happened way too fast it fizzled out. All this in 2 months. Lol it wasnt even a committed relationship but i still feel sad and confused. I would like some words of closure. Even though this disappearing act should be closure enough. Sometimes your head and your heart dont tell you the same things!! Should I just leave it be. I'm trying my hardest not to text him and embarrass myself. What do you think about all this? Any kind of feedback would be great. Thanks!

Last comment on Dec 12, 2014 08:09 AM

Vibe: 2

Should I break up with my fiance?

Posted anonymously on Dec 03, 2014 05:22 AM 11 Responses

My fiancé and I have been together for six years. We own a house together and live together. But six months ago, I began having doubts about our long-term compatibility. I love discussing big issues: religion and politics. He can't stand it. I'm deeply spiritual; he's firmly agnostic. I crave affection; he doesn't. Recently, the physical intimacy has completely ended. We never touch. Ever. He's even mentioned twice that he's no longer attracted to me, but he's attracted to other people. He talks about marriage and stability and material comfort, but I wonder if he wants those things generally (with anyone), not necessarily with me specifically. More and more, I feel like we've become roommates or friends, instead of a couple. Breaking up would be messy. He's a great guy; we share the same friends; our lives are so intertwined. I don't want to mess up my life, but I'm so unhappy. Why isn't he? Is this the life he wants? Is this normal?

Last comment on Dec 03, 2014 01:07 PM

Vibe: 3

I wanted a nice guy, but is he TOO nice?

Posted anonymously on Dec 02, 2014 10:08 AM 10 Responses

I am a single female, 27 years old. I met a guy at a bar (Confession: I was really drunk and don't remember most of our meeting) and gave my number to him. I got a text the next morning asking if I wanted to go out sometime, and I agreed. A few days later we went out for appetizers and drinks, then to a karaoke bar. My first impressions of him were that he was nice, but a little awkward but first dates can be awkward. The night finished with just a hug, and I figured that was OK since we were just getting to know each other. We went out a second time last night, this time was ice skating and an open mic night at a local bar. Again we talked and he seems nice, but there was no flirting, not even trying to hold my hand during ice skating or even trying to put an arm around me, nothing. I tried to flirt with him, with touches on the arm or taking his hand so I could "get a better look at his class ring", playfully hitting him when he made a joke, etc. but I feel weird doing more than that if he's not going to reciprocate. At this point I'm even wondering what his level of interest really is. He said he wants to go out again so I'm giving him another shot. My question is, do I just straight up ask him why he hasn't even tried to make the most innocent of moves? (I mean, come on. I had more action than this when I held hands with my "boyfriend" in 7th grade!) Do I grab him and kiss him and see what happens? I'm just confused. I know that I wanted a nice guy who wasn't just trying to hit it and quit it, but if he hasn't done more than a perfunctory hug at the start and end of a date then that's taking it a little too slow for me.

Last comment on Dec 03, 2014 02:05 PM

Vibe: 2

Should I stay or should I go now?

Posted anonymously on Dec 01, 2014 11:20 PM 3 Responses

I've known this guy for quite some time now, about 5 years. He tried talking to me first when I was in a relationship with another guy. At first I didn't realize he wanted something more with me, so I thought we were just friends and he was an awesome person. Unfortunately once I found out he liked me more than a friend, I had to stop talking to him. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half until we broke up in January. That summer I messaged him on facebook to see if he was still interested. He seemed excited to talk to me again, and he was but after a few days of texting it seemed like the conversations were getting duller until they just stopped. It was around the holidays where we picked up again and one night he said he wanted to hang out with me later on that week. Once the day came, he cancelled and I decided to call him out and he said that it was cute because I got embarrassed. After that I stopped talking to him. We were at the same going away party for a friend in the army and he was acting normal and so was I. Then this other guy that had a big crush on me (Bob) came over to the party and I told the guy that I didn't like how Bob acted around me. The guy didn't like Bob either so we bonded over our dislike for Bob I guess. Once Bob came over to us, the guy came behind me and started playing with my hair and leaning on my back while I was sitting, it felt as if he was claiming me as his territory in a way, but he might of just been doing that coincidentally. Ever since then I felt the need to ask the guy why we never dated or even tried. Once my friend left to the army I knew I wasn't going to see this guy for a while. I built up the courage and asked him one night and he said he had "personal issues". I didn't talk to him for two months until my friend from the army came back. My friend talks to him and she knows I'm interested him him so she meddled and made him feel bad for not dating me. So he randomly texted me and told me he still liked me and thought I was beautiful but that he had to resolve his personal issues first. He also told me not to wait if i find someone else. After that conversation he hasn't texted me. I saw him this past weekend when we both went to say goodbye to our friend from the army. He acted normally I guess. So here's my conflict: I over think things way too much. How is he going to say he likes me but doesn't talk to me or make an effort to see me ever? We don't text or anything. I feel like he said that out of pity because he knows I want to try with him because my friend hinted it towards him. I'm the type that will wait for him even though he said not to... I feel like if I do something with another guy it would ruin my chances, which is funny because the same day he texted me saying he still likes me, this other guy wanted to "hang out". I didn't though because I feel as if it's wrong. Do you think he is? Should I ask him if he's lying? I don't want to sit around waiting unintentionally for a guy that could just simply be lying. I understand the whole personal issues thing and I'll wait if he really does like me or if there is a chance but he doesn't talk to me at all... Should I confront him? If I do should it be int ext, call, in person? Should I just wait it out? Or should I just drop it because he's definitely lying? Thank you for reading my story and I'm sorry if I wasted your time.

Last comment on Dec 03, 2014 10:24 AM

Vibe: 0

I’m dating this girl and she knows I like her, we talk a lot before but now not so much

Posted anonymously on Nov 12, 2014 07:57 PM 6 Responses

We talk a lot before and we find ways to keep it going. But now, I feel like she tries to end the conversation quickly. unlike before if I ask her she ate, she goes “yeah, how about you?”. I just get a yes now.. Should I keep pursuing or is this another lost cause?

Last comment on Nov 13, 2014 10:16 AM

Vibe: 1

Wait, or leave??

Posted anonymously on Nov 10, 2014 09:59 PM 6 Responses

Where do I began? Lol!! Ok, I am new with this so bare with me! I have known this guy for more then 16 years we kind of grow up together in teen years. Nothing never happen between use until one night we when out with friends. He was 17. I just turn 18. All that happen was a kiss. A very long and passionate kiss. When we got done we were very surprised at what had happen. No, no alcohol was involved. And that was it!! Nothing else went on from there. We remained friends. He got married, I played the field for 9 years in and out of relationships. Well we had talk to each other on and off for them 9 years only at party's that other friends have thrown over the years. It didn't last to much longer between him and his wife. They have no kids together, she had kids from a previous relationship. But they never got a divorce.Well we got to see each other more because he and I start hanging out more with the same group of friends. We talk, but yet again nothing happened!!! We met up with yet again with the same group of friends about a year later. He this time in somewhat of a relationship they we're see each other and sleeping with each other, but as he put it wasn't dating each other just yet. Me I was still fishing around, been on a few dates but nothing else. We got tipsy that night!!! Neither one of us could drive so our friend told us we will drive you to our house and you guys can stay there until morning and we will take you back to get your vehicles. Needless to say ours friend didn't believe in a normal size truck. It was jacked up and you had to climb to get in. On my way to getting in to this over size beast. My " friend" was behind me I slipped and fell backwards. Thank god; he was there he caught me in med air. As I was in his arm he pulled me up to him and we locked lips for about 2 to 3 mins. Of course on the way to our friends house nothing was said or nothing happened. Well this is where I need y'all help?? A few weeks later I get a phone call from him asking if I wanted to hangout, just him and I. I said sure!! It was 3 weeks later before we finely got to hangout. And with in this 3 weeks we talked all the time on the phone every moment we got we talked!!! So he took me to his mothers house for a big cookout they were having. So later on that night as he was taking me home. We got on the subject of relationships!! He asked me what I thought of him and if I was interested in him in anyway and could I see us in a relationship in future! I told him that I like him very much just never thought to push it any further and yes I could see us in a relationship in the future. And kiss yet again and he stay the night. But nothing happened but kissing,talking and cuddling! He did try one times but I wasn't that type of person to just give it up to just anyone. So we talk and talk as the weeks went by. I got a phone call from a girl that I had no idea that it was going to be his girlfriend!! We talked and I told her that he told me that he was see you,but was losing all interest with her!! Boy she didn't like that to much. Not long after I got off the phone with her,he called rising hell with me because I had talk to her. I told him what we talk about and he switch his attitude like that. I told him that she called me!! But he apologize to me and said that he was coming over later on so we could talk this out and that the other girl he was going to tell her that it was over that it wasn't going to go any further with her. He came over and we talk and I told him it was either me or her that I wasn't going to be made a fool of or be the second girl in his life. He said ok that she was gone!!! Thinks we're going good for 3 months. We weren't in a stead relationship with each other. But every moment we got we were with each other and about 2 months in this whatever you would call it we started having sex. But even before we started have sex we we're sleep in the same bed with each other at the beginning!!! Well this time we are together I find out he is still see this other girl and sleeping with her to. So I called him and told him we needed to talk so I met him for lunch. I ask him why? This was his excuse he said that when he went over there to her apartment to get some of his stuff that he had left over there a few weeks after he told he no more!! She used he kids as an excuse to barrow so money from him cause she couldn't pay her light bill. So he give her the money and she told him she would pay him back in a couple of days!! Well when he went over there to get his money she told him she didn't have it that she could pay him back in another way!!! I was shocked!!!!!! And then he told me when he slept with her that the condom had broke and there could be a change that she might be pregnant! Ya, that was another shock!! He also told me he had very strong feels for me and the same to him from me. I have always loved him as a friend!! And as we we're see each other the feels got a little stronger. So he told that he was going to be a man and go back to cause of the case that she might be pregnant. So I told him do what he had to do to not even bother to hunt me down if she wasn't and that it wasn't someone he could fall back on. I also gave him my 2 cents of what I thought of him and that it would take me awhile to ever forgive him for what he did to me! He broke my heart is what he did. And I hold grudges for a long time. We'll needless to say the girl wasn't pregnant he is still with they have been together 2 years now. And after about a year of all this that happen I broke down and gave him a call and told him that I was sorry for all the names that I called him and asked if be friends was ok with him. Well I'm not the one that should be apologizing he should have but after a 2 hour phone call he broke down and apologize to me. And he started crying tell me he wasn't happy with her that she never wants him home and they don't have sex anymore!! And like the stupid person that I am we met up and slept with each other. And it didn't happen again until about 10 months later we have been fooling around here and there when he comes into town, we talk everyday even as much as 3 times a day. He has been telling me he was stupid to go with her that he should have stay with me. That he want to be with me!! And like the stupid person I am I let my heart talk and not my mind. I told him that I wanted to be with him and that I would wait for him. I do love him. But here's the thing it has be 4 month and he is still with her he tells me that he has got to take car of something first before he leaves he. Like as I'm money wise. They owe some friends some money and he want to pay it back. So that she is not left with all of that bourdon cause of the kids she has. Ok I said understandable! Now that everything's is pay off. He tells me we'll he doesn't want to leave her without a car cause of the kids. The kids are not his the car is. The kids dad is in their life. I mean I he lives there almost. She does not give him sex she controls all his money, he doesn't not have a key to get in to his owe house for when he comes off the road for weeks at a time. She tells him stay out on the road all the time and when he does come home she tells him don't even bother coming he cause I'm not there and you can get in so go to your mother house. She is running to he baby daddy house all the time and staying there. But anyways I tell him I don't feel sorry for you if you want to be put of that relationship that he is the one that is going to have to walkout. But I have a feeling why it's so hard for him is because of her kids. I like I said I told him I would wait cause I love him so much!!!What should i do I need some help on this???

Last comment on Nov 14, 2014 11:47 AM

Vibe: 4


Posted anonymously on Nov 10, 2014 10:34 AM 4 Responses

What is normal communication when you are dating someone? I have had guys who message me everyday, and then there is this current guy who messages me once a week or so when he wants to see me ( and we aren't sleeping together yet, so it's not a booty call:) ) We do see each other in social settings around twice a week. I guess I am trying to find a baseline for normal. Ps: I have a hard time focusing on super long comments so bullet points or shorter comments help! - Thanks :)

Last comment on Nov 10, 2014 11:49 PM

Vibe: 1

To this day I can't understand what were his feelings

Posted by Siobhan on Nov 07, 2014 09:50 PM 2 Responses

Hi, everyone! I'm going to talk about a situation from my past, because I could never really put my finger to it, and I would love to understand someone's behaviour. Almost four years ago I met and dated a guy with whom I fell completely in love. I even had the gut feeling that he was the one, or close enough. We were quite compatible, we got along almost perfectly, it felt like we had known eachother for years, we would talk for hours and hours, stare deeply and long into eachother's eyes, you get the picture. But he was always a very peculiar person, quite introverted, most of the time reluctant to speak about his feelings or even his present life, although he was comfortable speaking about his past. At a certain point we started having problems, because I could tell when something was troubling him, and I would question him and he would shut me out, telling me he didn't want to worry me and that he was used to solving his problems alone, inside his head. I would complain about it, we would have arguments, but he would remain closed, without opening himself up to me, and slowly this started to undermine our relationship. At a certain point we stoped seeing eachother, he wouldn't ask me out and wouldn't accept my invitations, but we would still talk online for hours and hours, and everything was apparently the same between us, except the part that we would not meet in person. This situation led to more arguments, and on the last one of them, he reveals to me that we were no longer meeting in person because we had broken up two weeks earlier... Apparently he decided it all for himself, didn't comunicate it to me at the moment of his decision, but all the talking had remained almost exactly the same as before. I was devastated, and only asked him to tell me why he was considering us over, and his answer was that I wanted a "regular" relationship, a commitment and so on. I couldn't believe what I was listening, because in pretty much everything he was behaving like we were in fact together as a couple, actually, the last time we had been together he had told me, out of the blue, that we were to him a steady boyfriend and girlfriend. I just wanted to get away, as humiliated as I was, and told him to get out of my life, and that's when the real nonsense started... He just wouldn't accept that I didn't want to stay friends with him, I even remember the tone of panic in his voice when I told him that piece of news. He would not accept that I was in pain either, or that I even loved him, actually he even invited me to have dinner so we could talk and he would help me through it all... I was astonished with all the surreal situation happening to me, and all I wanted was to get away from him, immediately. I didn't know what was hurting more, the end of the relationship or the disrespect towards my feelings. I tried to stop all communications but he would send me messages frequently, insisting on our friendship, practically trying to force it, and pretending that our love, if I may call it that way, never happened. I was ignoring all his messages, thinking he might give up someday, but this took months, even longer than the time we were together. I got tired of ignoring, and we had another argument, told him he had to be insane, that it was unbelievable that he could be after me insisting on a friendship that I wanted less and less, that he was making it all the more impossible for it to happen, that he was disrespecting me and making my healing all the more difficult. He would answer that there was no healing to make, that the love was still there, only had transformed into another kind of love. When I asked why would he insist on being friends with a person that clearly had no interest in that, that was ignoring him for months and was now becoming hostile towards him, he would say that he didn't have to have a reason, or would say that he wanted it because he was stupid. The conversation ended with me calling him selfish and mentally disturbed, and I blocked him. However, about a month later he was able to send me an email where he was clearly very upset, calling me insensitive, saying that I was hurting him deeply and that it was not fair and he didn't deserve it after all that we had lived together. Trust me, anyone that didn't know about the whole story, if they read that message, they would think that I was the one who broke up and he wanted me back... Later that week I answered, and since silence and reasoning had done nothing, and I wanted nothing but distance from him, and was just comsumed by the sadness of what we had become, and how my gut feelings were so wrong, I tried a rude approach, telling him to go to hell (and worse), and it stopped. The messages stopped. At least any messages containing demands for friendship. Ever since, from time to time, once or twice a year, he sends me links to stuff I like. He says nothing, just the links, usually to articles about my favorite writters or videos of silent movies. I never answered him back, but in a certain way, it still hurts when he does this, even after all this time. 5 minutes after he told me that "we have broken up two weeks ago" I was pretty sure that I wanted nothing to do with him again, but I think I can't get a proper closure until I could understand what were ever his feelings towards me and his motivations to do what he did, concerning our break up, and afterwards. Since asking him directly was a failure, I came here today to ask for your opinion, whoever you are. I was never able to understand that man, and for someone who was supposedly so unnattached, so unsensitive, he surely made a huge fuss about me wanting to leave his life completely. Was he regreting having broken up, but was unable to say out loud his feelings and wishes to come back? Was he trying to "help me" by remaining friends, but only to avoid feeling guilty about hurting me? What are your theories? Thank you...

Last comment on Nov 10, 2014 11:44 PM