He disappeared on me, then texted me again out of the blue
Posted anonymously on Apr 17, 2014 07:43 AM 17 Responses
Back In January, I met a guy on Match.com. We ended up going out three times. First date was for coffee, and second and third dates were for dinner. All of them went fine imo, and he seemed to be having fun, but I couldn't read him very well.
He didn't ask me out again at the end of our first date, but did text me a few days later and we made plans for a second date. Same after our second date. Because of that, I wasn't surprised when he didn't ask me out again at the end of our third date. Thing is, I didn't hear again from him after our third date. I didn't bother to text or call him back, though. I just figured he wasn't interested and that was that.
Then a few days ago, he texted me totally out of the blue. At this point it's been over a month since our last date. I didn't even recognize his number since I had deleted it, so I texted back "Who is this?" He responded and said that just wanted to say hi and see how I'm doing. I replied, and we've been texting back and forth for a few days now. Mostly just chit chat stuff. Then today he asked if I wanted to get together sometime this week.
I told him I would have to check my schedule for this week, but I'm thinking I'll probably say yes to going out with him again. I'm kind of annoyed that he ghosted me, but then again, he never did mention anything about seeing me again after our third date. I guess I have nothing to lose by giving him another chance.
So here's my question: Should I ask him what happened? When we were texting, I hinted a couple times that I was curious what happened to him (I texted back "oh I didn't expect to hear from you after so all this time"), but he hasn't said anything. I suppose it doesn't really matter, but I do kind of want to know why. I mean, maybe he started dating someone else he was more interested in, and that didn't work out? Or maybe he's just bored? What do you all think?
Or should I even agree to go out with him?
Last comment on Apr 18, 2014 12:30 PM
Embarrassed on a First Date
Posted anonymously on Apr 08, 2014 06:49 PM 7 Responses
This is going to be hard for me because I rarely voluntarily admit my personality flaws to anyone, even myself.
I had a first date this past Saturday with a guy who seems pretty great, and I'm a harsh critic when it comes to guys so that's saying a lot. We've been texting for a couple weeks and finally got to hang out.
Sober, I'm a flirtatious person. I play it cool and I poke fun and I smile and I make harmless innuendos that you'd really only pick up on if you were looking for them. I am this way with men and women, if I want people to like me, and usually it works fine. It's just how I am. But drunk, I get VERY friendly.
While I think it's a good sign that the guy texted me the following day (he could have just blown me off), he mentioned that I was flirting too much with his friend that we met up with. All I could do was apologize, but I felt absolutely horrible about it. I know he wasn't exaggerating, I'm sure I was flirting with his friend because I know myself. I had been drinking and I got too comfortable with the situation.
I also can get a little braggy. So after apologizing for the flirting I said "I swear I'm not this much work, I'm a nice girl" and he said "We'll see about that." Then I said "I really have to stop saying positive things about myself to you lol" because at that point I felt like I'd kind of dug myself into a hole. He said "Oh god yeah I almost forgot about all the back patting that went on, mostly by you, about you."
The conversation was being had in a flirtatious tone, so he wasn't being mean or rude, but the whole thing made me feel like UGH I FUCKED UP. The conversation ended a little awkwardly and we haven't talked at all today.
Can I salvage this or should I crawl into a hole and never contact him again?
Last comment on Apr 10, 2014 11:03 AM
He lied about his age
Posted anonymously on Apr 07, 2014 10:05 PM 14 Responses
I recently went on a date with a man I met online, and halfway through, he confessed he lied about his age in his dating profile, and he's actually 42, not 35! I already thought there was a big gap in our ages (I'm in my late 20's), so that means we're actually more than 10 years apart. Don't get me wrong, he looks young for his age, and I do think he's pretty handsome. I would never have guessed he was 42 if not for the fact that some of the stories he told me gave it away.
I had a good time with him, but now I can't help wondering what else he's lying about. I guess it's not the age difference that's bothering me. It's that he lied about his age.
Would you continue dating this guy? I've been online dating for almost a year now, and I feel like so many people lie or embellish on their dating profiles. Is this something that you can just overlook?
Last comment on Apr 10, 2014 11:15 AM
Dating/text messaging etiquette
Posted anonymously on Apr 07, 2014 10:55 AM 5 Responses
Here is a question about etiquette. I went out on a date with this guy a week or so ago, didn't sense any connection at all( but it was fun but I can't see myself going out with him) but we did text back and forth for a bit. And over the last weekend he sent me a text but I didn't reply back because I got too busy and didn't think about it. Now, it's been a week... should I reply to his text and let him know I am not interested or just let it be. The catch is that he works at a place that I like going to on occasionally. And I am not sure what is the right or the polite thing to do.
Last comment on Apr 10, 2014 01:06 PM
Long-Distance: Extreme Edition
Posted anonymously on Apr 05, 2014 01:01 PM 7 Responses
I am in a new-ish relationship with a submariner (five months this month). Unique from his other naval counterparts, his work aboard subs means that he can only communicate very occasionally (he's on a mission right now and I haven't heard from him since March 3rd, and don't know when I'll hear from him next). When he gets back in May, we'll only have about 5 days together before I have to leave for a 2 and a half month long contract out of state. We live 3 hours away from each other, otherwise, heavily rely on skype for our day-to-day communications, and have managed to see each other on most weekends since we started our relationship (excluding his deployment time).
To stave off the loneliness during his deployment, he and I both have journals in which we are writing to each other while we can't be together. We'll swap when we see each other next. This helps to a point, but mostly I'm losing my mind. He is the only one I want to talk to at the end of the day, and I can't reach him. In addition, I am in a high-stress, mostly unpredictable, artistic field that will eventually demand that I be flexible enough to travel on a regular basis. So, if he and I manage to stick together, I will be putting him through a similar situation of not being around- the difference being that I'll be able to communicate.
At first, I saw his away time as a brilliant opportunity to focus on what I'm up to, deal with the productions I'm committed to, work in the other freelance business that I run, but I miss him so terribly that it is a distraction. I can't unwind with him at the end of the day, or ask him for his marvelous advice about how I should handle some of the things I'm dealing with. I feel abandoned, even though, intellectually, I understand that I have not been. And I can feel myself starting to separate myself from him, an understandable defense mechanism. I suspect that were our relationship more long-standing, this Might be easier, but I just don't know. And I can only fill my time with so many things to both distract and take care of myself (which, believe me, I do).
So, my question is multifaceted. Firstly, does anyone have any suggestions as to what else I might do to deal with the intense sadness that I live with on a daily basis because I can't talk to my partner-in-crime (and does anyone have any insight as to whether or not this gets easier?)? Secondly, I'm a really strong person and am patient to a fault, but, realistically, I can only take so much- at what point do I declare this unworkable? Should I hang in for as long as I can, maybe wait through his next mission to see if we can come up with another creative solution to handle his time away? Really, how do you deal with the absence of your significant other without feeling abandoned?
I am not one to let my life be dictated by my circumstances. I care about him a great deal, and he treats me the way I have always wanted to be treated in a relationship (such a rare gift). With both of our jobs requiring travel, sometimes at the drop of a hat, I'm not sure it can work, but I really really want it to. Help?
Last comment on Apr 11, 2014 08:47 AM
He's in love with someone else?
Posted anonymously on Apr 01, 2014 09:53 PM 3 Responses
We've only been dating for two months, so things haven't gotten too serious. We met online about 9 months ago. Over Spring Break, he told me that he really liked me and wanted things to work out with me, but he's in love with one of his friends, and needed to sort out his feelings for her first (he had addressed it with her before, and she told him she didn't feel the same way). I told him I was willing to do whatever he wanted, whether it be stay together or part ways. just what he needed to do to be happy. Now, I already feel very strongly for him, and all of this hurt me really bad. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Should we further discuss maybe taking time apart for the time being? I just need a little help sorting out my thoughts, any help would be greatly appreciated.
Last comment on Apr 02, 2014 05:23 PM
My Bestfriend ASKED OUT MY CRUSH?!?!?!?
Posted anonymously on Apr 01, 2014 03:55 PM 6 Responses
So basically My best friend just asked out my crush right in front of me. I got so mad, she knew that I liked him! Now I'm Mad, I told I'm not because I don't want to make her feel bad,so yeah I told her I wasn't mad....Oh and my crush said that He'll think about it when my "best friend" asked him out, What should I do :(
Last comment on Apr 03, 2014 06:40 PM
Cheating with Fast Food
Posted anonymously on Apr 01, 2014 02:03 PM 16 Responses
I am brand new here, and I see that a lot of the advice is for newer relationships, but I thought I might give this a go anyway. Maybe you all could help me get my head straight.
My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two. I love him. He is my partner and my friend and my lover. He loves me too. Of this I am certain. Never a doubt.
The Situation: My husband has type 2 diabetes, a pretty big problem for a man in his early 30's. He is a big, chubby dude, but I don't mind. In fact, I like that he has some "thickness". I do too. I am, however, worried about his health.
On top of this, my husband also has money problems. To be honest, he grew up with a lot of money, and I'm not sure he is ever going to figure out that money is not constant. I grew up pretty much dirt poor, and I understand that in order to save money, you can't, well, spend it.
My husband I do not eat fast food. The closest we come is the occasional Subway sandwich or Mexican take-out. With his diabetes, there is just no way he can eat Jack in the Box and McDonald's and remain healthy.
The problem: I keep a pretty close eye on our money as my husband has a history of overspending sometimes. A few months ago, I found out that he was eating fast food when I was not around. I was pretty upset, and after some talking, I thought we had worked it out.
This month, I got a notice that over $200 dollars had been spent on my credit card. I called him immediately to see if he knew why. He looked up the statement (he was near a computer, and I was not) and said that a payment for a dress went through($100) and that the rest had gone to gas money.
Our rent was due, so I looked at our bank accounts to see which account we should pay it from (we have separate accounts as a security measure against either of us overspending). I saw that he had far less money in his account than there should have been, and I started looking at his history. He had gone to McDonald's TEN TIMES in the last month. Carl's Jr. twice, and Jack in the Box three times. I was shocked.
At this point, I thought something was up, so I checked my credit card statement. He had spent over $40 on fast food on MY credit card and then LIED to me about it. In total, he spent over $130 on fast food last month. (I am not counting any food we got together or more healthy choices. Just fast food by himself.)
It's like he's cheating on me with fast food! Yes, the money spending is bad, and the lying is bad, but what makes it so infuriating is that this food is going to kill him. He is spending out money, deceiving me, and slowly killing himself.
Combined with a couple of other, smaller fights (not doing the dishes when he said he would and being rude to me because he could not find his checkbook), this thing blew up into a nuclear fight.
I asked my husband to give me the night to think about things. He slept at a friend's house. I don't think either of us would even consider leaving the other for a moment. That is not what we are talking about here. He is coming back tonight, and hopefully we can talk about this, but what on earth can we do to get past this? How do we fix it?
Last comment on Apr 03, 2014 06:18 AM
Awkward Sex Thing
Posted anonymously on Mar 21, 2014 08:14 AM 7 Responses
Backstory: I've been seeing this guy for several months, very casually. We hang out like once a week, watch movies, go out for drinks, and we're sleeping together. We have fun, we keep it light. [But like I don't know his parents' or siblings' names. That's what kind of casual I'm talking about.] I don't get butterflies when I see him, we don't hold hands, etc. We just have a casual friendly thing going on and it's good how it is. For the record I am fine with this arrangement, and I don't need anyone to tell me to be careful. I'm not a weak little girl letting a guy use me or manipulate me. He's always respectful. We have trust.
We were open with each other about getting tested, etc., everything came back ok, and I'm on the pill, we had a conversation about seeing other people (we're not), and so decided we weren't going to use condoms. The precedent has been set that he'd pull out every time, and that's always been what we do. Not because we think it's a method of birth control (we're not idiots) but just because that's what we do. It feels more casual to pull out I guess lol. The reason isn't important, the point is, that was our routine.
So last night we were having sex, and he had me get on top which I don't usually do. He warned me that he was about to finish, and I just didn't stop, and let him finish inside me. I thought it was sexy, I don't know, I thought he'd like it for a change of pace.
After, we were laying in bed and I could tell he was thinking but he wasn't talking, and I knew he felt weird about it. Eventually he said "I know it's probably fine but I just don't think we should do... that... again."
I assured him I take my birth control religiously, and (duh) that's the whole reason they invented birth control, so you can do that and not get pregnant, blah blah.
He said "I know. I know, but still..."
So then I apologized. Like... a lot. I felt REALLY really bad for making him uncomfortable. Ugh.
He said "don't be sorry, it was nice haha but we just shouldn't do it again." He insisted it was okay and that I don't have to feel bad, that it was his fault (even though it was obviously mine -- what was he supposed to do, throw me off of him?).
Then I started to say basically "It's fine, but even if it wasn't, you don't have to worry, because if I needed to, I'd take care of it, I'm 100% not changing my life for anything right now. I'm sorry" etc. etc...
And cut me off and said "I don't want to talk about that." Which REALLY threw me. I couldn't tell if he didn't want to talk about it because it was a stressful topic in general, or because he doesn't believe in abortion, or because it was awkward. I didn't know what to do so I just let him change the subject, but I'm still confused and I still feel so bad for making him uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if I should bring it up again, and get him to talk about it. I mean people who are sleeping together should be able to talk about all aspects of an adult sexual relationship. I thought he'd be able to at least have a hypothetical conversation about it, and it's so strange that he couldn't/wouldn't.
I feel really weird about how he totally shut down and wouldn't talk about it at all. And I just feel bad about the whole situation. I need some perspective and other people's opinions on it, I guess.
Last comment on Mar 21, 2014 12:27 PM
Will he come back? Worth waiting for?
Posted anonymously on Mar 19, 2014 08:49 PM 7 Responses
I broke up with my bf for one month.. I feel terrible .. I couldnot sleep well coz i have a nightmare every night.. Thats why i really need help here.
He told me that i took care of him too much that pressured him. Im too good for him that i love him more than he loved me. First 6 months we met each other almost everyday.. He appreciated everything i did to him but when in january, i had problem with my work and i had too many stress so that i was admitted into hospital. So he said im a depressed person and could not manage my life .. So he thinks he cant be with me , with someone who always be sad. And in jan, he was busy with work so that he met me only once a week... He has his own schedule like every monday and thursday he has to play soccer. Every friday he has to go out partying with friends. Every saturday he has class to attend. Only sunday afternoon he can see me. Im ok with that i never complain about him going to party .. I understand him and try to adapt myself that love doesnt need to be with each other all day all night. From that reason, sometimes i feel sad when i was with him that i have to admit he can see me only once a week.. But still i will find time to bring him food at his condo.. So he didnt need to com out to see me.. But that action of me made him look at me as annoying .. He said its like i ran after him and he ran away...
Well i did everything i did like the first 6 months.. But at that time he appreciated it but now.. Not anymore..
He asked me to b just friend.. I cant really accept that right now.. He said some of our attitudes are different.. But i think it can be changed right? We can try to understand if we still love and care, right?
I still think he is the right guy and i wanna be with him.. Want to take care of him and made him succeed in work ..
Oh right he said he is not ready for commitment which is not the way he told me at first we fell in love...
I told him i will wait for him for 4 years .. I will let him to try to b in relationship with other women and live on his own... If in another 4 years he has noone he says he will gimme a chance to talk with him again...
I dunno right now what to do.. I sometimes call him and brought him food at his condo without seeing him...
I miss him so much
Will he come back to me ? I just want a chance to improve myself and try to understand him more.. I wont change the entire me but i will try to accept Him more... Plz give me some advice.
I did my best.. But i dont know if its good enough for him?
Last comment on Mar 27, 2014 09:29 AM