I’m dating this girl and she knows I like her, we talk a lot before but now not so much
Posted anonymously on Nov 13, 2014 03:57 AM 6 Responses
We talk a lot before and we find ways to keep it going. But now, I feel like she tries to end the conversation quickly. unlike before if I ask her she ate, she goes “yeah, how about you?”. I just get a yes now.. Should I keep pursuing or is this another lost cause?
Last comment on Nov 13, 2014 10:16 AM
Wait, or leave??
Posted anonymously on Nov 10, 2014 09:59 PM 6 Responses
Where do I began? Lol!! Ok, I am new with this so bare with me! I have known this guy for more then 16 years we kind of grow up together in teen years. Nothing never happen between use until one night we when out with friends. He was 17. I just turn 18. All that happen was a kiss. A very long and passionate kiss. When we got done we were very surprised at what had happen. No, no alcohol was involved. And that was it!! Nothing else went on from there. We remained friends. He got married, I played the field for 9 years in and out of relationships. Well we had talk to each other on and off for them 9 years only at party's that other friends have thrown over the years. It didn't last to much longer between him and his wife. They have no kids together, she had kids from a previous relationship. But they never got a divorce.Well we got to see each other more because he and I start hanging out more with the same group of friends. We talk, but yet again nothing happened!!! We met up with yet again with the same group of friends about a year later. He this time in somewhat of a relationship they we're see each other and sleeping with each other, but as he put it wasn't dating each other just yet. Me I was still fishing around, been on a few dates but nothing else. We got tipsy that night!!! Neither one of us could drive so our friend told us we will drive you to our house and you guys can stay there until morning and we will take you back to get your vehicles. Needless to say ours friend didn't believe in a normal size truck. It was jacked up and you had to climb to get in. On my way to getting in to this over size beast. My " friend" was behind me I slipped and fell backwards. Thank god; he was there he caught me in med air. As I was in his arm he pulled me up to him and we locked lips for about 2 to 3 mins. Of course on the way to our friends house nothing was said or nothing happened. Well this is where I need y'all help?? A few weeks later I get a phone call from him asking if I wanted to hangout, just him and I. I said sure!! It was 3 weeks later before we finely got to hangout. And with in this 3 weeks we talked all the time on the phone every moment we got we talked!!! So he took me to his mothers house for a big cookout they were having. So later on that night as he was taking me home. We got on the subject of relationships!! He asked me what I thought of him and if I was interested in him in anyway and could I see us in a relationship in future! I told him that I like him very much just never thought to push it any further and yes I could see us in a relationship in the future. And kiss yet again and he stay the night. But nothing happened but kissing,talking and cuddling! He did try one times but I wasn't that type of person to just give it up to just anyone. So we talk and talk as the weeks went by. I got a phone call from a girl that I had no idea that it was going to be his girlfriend!! We talked and I told her that he told me that he was see you,but was losing all interest with her!! Boy she didn't like that to much. Not long after I got off the phone with her,he called rising hell with me because I had talk to her. I told him what we talk about and he switch his attitude like that. I told him that she called me!! But he apologize to me and said that he was coming over later on so we could talk this out and that the other girl he was going to tell her that it was over that it wasn't going to go any further with her. He came over and we talk and I told him it was either me or her that I wasn't going to be made a fool of or be the second girl in his life. He said ok that she was gone!!! Thinks we're going good for 3 months. We weren't in a stead relationship with each other. But every moment we got we were with each other and about 2 months in this whatever you would call it we started having sex. But even before we started have sex we we're sleep in the same bed with each other at the beginning!!! Well this time we are together I find out he is still see this other girl and sleeping with her to. So I called him and told him we needed to talk so I met him for lunch. I ask him why? This was his excuse he said that when he went over there to her apartment to get some of his stuff that he had left over there a few weeks after he told he no more!! She used he kids as an excuse to barrow so money from him cause she couldn't pay her light bill. So he give her the money and she told him she would pay him back in a couple of days!! Well when he went over there to get his money she told him she didn't have it that she could pay him back in another way!!! I was shocked!!!!!! And then he told me when he slept with her that the condom had broke and there could be a change that she might be pregnant! Ya, that was another shock!! He also told me he had very strong feels for me and the same to him from me. I have always loved him as a friend!! And as we we're see each other the feels got a little stronger. So he told that he was going to be a man and go back to cause of the case that she might be pregnant. So I told him do what he had to do to not even bother to hunt me down if she wasn't and that it wasn't someone he could fall back on. I also gave him my 2 cents of what I thought of him and that it would take me awhile to ever forgive him for what he did to me! He broke my heart is what he did. And I hold grudges for a long time. We'll needless to say the girl wasn't pregnant he is still with they have been together 2 years now. And after about a year of all this that happen I broke down and gave him a call and told him that I was sorry for all the names that I called him and asked if be friends was ok with him. Well I'm not the one that should be apologizing he should have but after a 2 hour phone call he broke down and apologize to me. And he started crying tell me he wasn't happy with her that she never wants him home and they don't have sex anymore!! And like the stupid person that I am we met up and slept with each other. And it didn't happen again until about 10 months later we have been fooling around here and there when he comes into town, we talk everyday even as much as 3 times a day. He has been telling me he was stupid to go with her that he should have stay with me. That he want to be with me!! And like the stupid person I am I let my heart talk and not my mind. I told him that I wanted to be with him and that I would wait for him. I do love him. But here's the thing it has be 4 month and he is still with her he tells me that he has got to take car of something first before he leaves he. Like as I'm money wise. They owe some friends some money and he want to pay it back. So that she is not left with all of that bourdon cause of the kids she has. Ok I said understandable! Now that everything's is pay off. He tells me we'll he doesn't want to leave her without a car cause of the kids. The kids are not his the car is. The kids dad is in their life. I mean I he lives there almost. She does not give him sex she controls all his money, he doesn't not have a key to get in to his owe house for when he comes off the road for weeks at a time. She tells him stay out on the road all the time and when he does come home she tells him don't even bother coming he cause I'm not there and you can get in so go to your mother house. She is running to he baby daddy house all the time and staying there. But anyways I tell him I don't feel sorry for you if you want to be put of that relationship that he is the one that is going to have to walkout. But I have a feeling why it's so hard for him is because of her kids. I like I said I told him I would wait cause I love him so much!!!What should i do I need some help on this???
Last comment on Nov 14, 2014 11:47 AM
Posted anonymously on Nov 10, 2014 10:34 AM 4 Responses
What is normal communication when you are dating someone? I have had guys who message me everyday, and then there is this current guy who messages me once a week or so when he wants to see me ( and we aren't sleeping together yet, so it's not a booty call:) ) We do see each other in social settings around twice a week.
I guess I am trying to find a baseline for normal.
Ps: I have a hard time focusing on super long comments so bullet points or shorter comments help! - Thanks :)
Last comment on Nov 10, 2014 11:49 PM
To this day I can't understand what were his feelings
Posted by Siobhan on Nov 07, 2014 09:50 PM 2 Responses
Hi, everyone! I'm going to talk about a situation from my past, because I could never really put my finger to it, and I would love to understand someone's behaviour. Almost four years ago I met and dated a guy with whom I fell completely in love. I even had the gut feeling that he was the one, or close enough. We were quite compatible, we got along almost perfectly, it felt like we had known eachother for years, we would talk for hours and hours, stare deeply and long into eachother's eyes, you get the picture. But he was always a very peculiar person, quite introverted, most of the time reluctant to speak about his feelings or even his present life, although he was comfortable speaking about his past. At a certain point we started having problems, because I could tell when something was troubling him, and I would question him and he would shut me out, telling me he didn't want to worry me and that he was used to solving his problems alone, inside his head. I would complain about it, we would have arguments, but he would remain closed, without opening himself up to me, and slowly this started to undermine our relationship. At a certain point we stoped seeing eachother, he wouldn't ask me out and wouldn't accept my invitations, but we would still talk online for hours and hours, and everything was apparently the same between us, except the part that we would not meet in person. This situation led to more arguments, and on the last one of them, he reveals to me that we were no longer meeting in person because we had broken up two weeks earlier... Apparently he decided it all for himself, didn't comunicate it to me at the moment of his decision, but all the talking had remained almost exactly the same as before. I was devastated, and only asked him to tell me why he was considering us over, and his answer was that I wanted a "regular" relationship, a commitment and so on. I couldn't believe what I was listening, because in pretty much everything he was behaving like we were in fact together as a couple, actually, the last time we had been together he had told me, out of the blue, that we were to him a steady boyfriend and girlfriend. I just wanted to get away, as humiliated as I was, and told him to get out of my life, and that's when the real nonsense started... He just wouldn't accept that I didn't want to stay friends with him, I even remember the tone of panic in his voice when I told him that piece of news. He would not accept that I was in pain either, or that I even loved him, actually he even invited me to have dinner so we could talk and he would help me through it all... I was astonished with all the surreal situation happening to me, and all I wanted was to get away from him, immediately. I didn't know what was hurting more, the end of the relationship or the disrespect towards my feelings. I tried to stop all communications but he would send me messages frequently, insisting on our friendship, practically trying to force it, and pretending that our love, if I may call it that way, never happened. I was ignoring all his messages, thinking he might give up someday, but this took months, even longer than the time we were together. I got tired of ignoring, and we had another argument, told him he had to be insane, that it was unbelievable that he could be after me insisting on a friendship that I wanted less and less, that he was making it all the more impossible for it to happen, that he was disrespecting me and making my healing all the more difficult. He would answer that there was no healing to make, that the love was still there, only had transformed into another kind of love. When I asked why would he insist on being friends with a person that clearly had no interest in that, that was ignoring him for months and was now becoming hostile towards him, he would say that he didn't have to have a reason, or would say that he wanted it because he was stupid. The conversation ended with me calling him selfish and mentally disturbed, and I blocked him. However, about a month later he was able to send me an email where he was clearly very upset, calling me insensitive, saying that I was hurting him deeply and that it was not fair and he didn't deserve it after all that we had lived together. Trust me, anyone that didn't know about the whole story, if they read that message, they would think that I was the one who broke up and he wanted me back... Later that week I answered, and since silence and reasoning had done nothing, and I wanted nothing but distance from him, and was just comsumed by the sadness of what we had become, and how my gut feelings were so wrong, I tried a rude approach, telling him to go to hell (and worse), and it stopped. The messages stopped. At least any messages containing demands for friendship. Ever since, from time to time, once or twice a year, he sends me links to stuff I like. He says nothing, just the links, usually to articles about my favorite writters or videos of silent movies. I never answered him back, but in a certain way, it still hurts when he does this, even after all this time. 5 minutes after he told me that "we have broken up two weeks ago" I was pretty sure that I wanted nothing to do with him again, but I think I can't get a proper closure until I could understand what were ever his feelings towards me and his motivations to do what he did, concerning our break up, and afterwards. Since asking him directly was a failure, I came here today to ask for your opinion, whoever you are. I was never able to understand that man, and for someone who was supposedly so unnattached, so unsensitive, he surely made a huge fuss about me wanting to leave his life completely. Was he regreting having broken up, but was unable to say out loud his feelings and wishes to come back? Was he trying to "help me" by remaining friends, but only to avoid feeling guilty about hurting me? What are your theories? Thank you...
Last comment on Nov 10, 2014 11:44 PM
I'm in love with a lesbian, and don't know what to do
Posted anonymously on Nov 02, 2014 09:03 PM 5 Responses
Ok, here goes.... Like the title says, I'm in love with a lesbian. She and I have known each other since high school, and we've dated a couple times over the years. The thing is, before we ever got together as kids, she was into girls. I never knew, and she was scared to tell me. We wound up breaking up, but staying friends, after which she came out to everyone. Then, about two years ago, she told me she wanted to try with me again. It took a lot of soul searching, and she was afraid of what people would say, because she's more "butch", but I decided to go for it. And we were great together. No fights, we enjoyed a lot of the same stuff, and had fun in the bedroom. After about six months, we got engaged, and everything was still going fine. Then, a few months later, she misses her monthly, and the home pregnancy test gives a positive. We both got kinda worried/excited, but after a couple weeks, we found out it was a false positive.
She started to get more and more withdrawn, and eventually broke up with me, because, she said,"I love you and love being with you, but I want to be with girls more." She started crying, I started crying, the whole nine yards. We stayed friends, and there have been a couple girls since, but nothing lasts too long. And, hard as I try, I can't stop feeling the way I did when we were together. I don't show it, or act on it, but it's there. It doesn't help that she sometimes acts like she did before, either. There have even been a couple times, when we were both single, where she asked me to have sex with her. It causes me a lot of internal conflict, and I don't know how to resolve it, because I love her as a friend, and am still in love with her at the same time. Does anyone have some advice on how to handle this? Other than copious amounts of alcohol? (Haha)
Last comment on Nov 10, 2014 02:19 PM
My best friend's boyfriend is destructive to her self esteem and our relationship
Posted anonymously on Nov 02, 2014 08:57 PM 4 Responses
My best friend's boyfriend, let's call him john, is not my favorite person in the world (I hate him). He is such an asshole to both my friend (piper?) and myself, among others. He frequently makes fun of piper and takes joy in pointing out her short comings and mis phrases. She has told me multiple times how much she hates this, and feels so unfeeling now. But apparently she feels like she's in love with him? Meanwhile he tries to be my friend, but whenever me and piper hang out he constantly texts her, or wants to skype, or even asks her out to dinner (he never wants to date any other time) just because he is clingy and jealous. He told me once that piper wanted to send me this letter back when we were in one of our rough patches (caused by him I might add), and it tore me apart (hard to do btw). Turns out he wrote that himself not her, I am furious. He's trying his damnedest to come between us and it drives me up the wall. Piper knows I hate him, and she gets upset so often, what do I do? Do I tell him how I feel? I just want my friend to be happy, and she's lying to herself about how she feels, she breaks down in my car over this piece of shit.any advice would be helpful, I know this may be a bit confusing.
Last comment on Nov 03, 2014 08:50 AM
The married man I'm in love with is in love with my ex.
Posted anonymously on Nov 02, 2014 07:51 AM 3 Responses
The title says it all and yet probably not nearly enough. A year ago I met a man through mutual friends. He and I hit it off right away and I was immediately smitten. He's in the process of divorcing his spouse, who he's lived separately from for more than a year now.
From day one he and I spoke about damn near everything. I mean, deep dark secret stuff. And after a while we were flirting, going to dinner together, showing up places together. I told him I was falling for him and at first he seemed to reciprocate.
Here's where things get complicated. Unbeknownst to me he had already been developing some kind of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. My ex and I had been friends and only really dated a few times. He and I are still really close friends and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.
They went on a trip together and became really close. It's now obvious that the burgeoning love he and I had is out of his mind; he's completely into my ex. They spend a lot of time together, have regular dates and such.
To the guy I'm still a close loyal friend, so I am the one who gets to listen to him freaking out about how he feels about the relationship, all his apprehension and his puppy love and guilt and everything.
I love both of my friends but my heart is broken. When guy came into my life it was like the sun had risen over the horizon. I was deliriously happy. Now I'm miserable any time I'm alone. I put on a brave, happy face and go out of my way to support them in every way I can but it's killing me inside.
I don't fall out of love easily. I know that if I'm going to get over him I'm going to have to cut him out of my life. I'm waiting until his divorce is finalized; I want to be there for him to help him get through all that trauma. But then I have to wall both of them off from my life. We travel heavily in the same circle of friends (we think of each other like family) so I may have to cut really deep to get away.
Again, I care a great deal about both of them. I want them to be happy and I want to be happy for them. I'm not happy for them, though, at least not the way I should be. I feel like a bad friend because I can't support them the way they deserve to be supported. I don't want to hurt them but at some point I have to worry about self-preservation.
I've told one other friend what I'm planning on doing. He thinks I'm being too extreme. I think I've hit a threshold in my relationship with the guy where turning back and limiting our contact (more than it has already been cut back due to the time he's spending with my ex) would possibly be even more painful as we try to find the new balance.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice; I pretty much know what I have to do to move on. It's painful and I'm scared and I don't think I have any other options. I've tried seeing other people but I'm too heartsick; every date is terrible, even with the nice guys. I don't wan't to see anyone else, I don't think I'm in a good place emotionally for that.
Last comment on Nov 03, 2014 09:05 AM
Can't understand this shy guy
Posted anonymously on Nov 01, 2014 08:09 PM 6 Responses
Hi everyone, I have known this shy guy when I first started university. When we were still strangers I noticed he kept trying to look at me in class and around campus, because we often took the same bus + train home. I had a crush on him too but I was too shy to approach him. It took me five weeks to build courage and finally talk to him. In our first talk he was talking very normally and serious, however I could see his leg shaking and he even ran away when the train came. I could tell he was very shy and I didn't mind that so over one year I kept approaching him first to talk (like once a month), but he spoke very coldly and dead everytime and he would never talk to me first. However he kept staring and trembling when I was near. At the end of year, I even tried to give him a confession letter but he refused to receive it as soon as I handed the envelope to him so I embarrassingly took it back and we pretended nothing happened, I don't know if he really knew what the envelope was. After that, we lost contact and I changed campus. One day (after 9 months), I randomly saw him around campus and he look very happy but we still talked very normally, like about school and stuff. To make a long story short, I then coincidentally bumped into him many times and after two years of knowing him, he finally asked for my mobile number, which was very surprising. He would ask me out after classes but not very frequently and I did the same sometimes and would text him to go out. But everytime it was just talk about school. He was still talking coldly sometimes but seemed nervous. This situation went on for another year or so. It was slow and painful but I told myself he was just shy and he did try because if he didn't like me he wouldn't text me first since he rarely talks to girls. And he was VERY different towards me compared to other people.
So recently, I started asking him more personal questions like views on relationships and it felt like he also opened up to me more. I thought we were getting somewhere because he even wanted to attend my graduation ceremony without me asking first (he delayed his graduation). He told me his parents were divorced and he would just find some random girl he likes and get married when he's 30 years old. He told me he was very ambitious and relationships are like nothing to him now. I felt quite hurtful towards that, if he didn't want a relationship why was he holding onto me and playing along with me for over 3.5 years? I'm only in my early twenties, and I'm not confident that he will be with me when he's 30. What if I did wait for him but he just marries another girl? He then went on saying he would go clubbing and have multiple partners if he had the opportunity and he didn't mind marrying a girl who would cheat. I was totally in shock, I didn't know if he really meant that or he was just lying as he often said some small lies to me in the past. His talk was totally absurd. He even rudely told me at one point that I was talking too loud. He was rude in a similar way to me in the past but I just took it as something to hide his nervousness. I know I keep making excuses for him sigh. After the talk he texted me saying it was nice meeting up! and sorry if he offended me. I seriously don't know how to deal with him anymore or what is he thinking. I really like him but I don't know if he is worth the wait. Does he even want to be with me? Please help me and tell me the possible reasons for his behaviour :( Thank you so much!
Last comment on Nov 03, 2014 08:49 AM
Rebound or Real?
Posted anonymously on Oct 17, 2014 01:48 PM 5 Responses
Six years ago I met my best friend. He was in a brand new relationship and I was dating around, a few months later I entered my own relationship. About a year ago, my relationship ended. About 4 months ago, his relationship ended. So to talk it to death, we both just got out of 5+ year things.
Throughout the past 6 years we have been close, talking at least a little almost every day and generally being good supports for each other, through good and bad. When my relationship ended and through the past year when I was very unhappy, he is who I turned to to vent my frustrations and everything. I was always who he came to when he needed advice or relationship help, etc. We were just great friends, truly.
Aside from like two or three isolated incidents, we never even really joked about dating each other. It really was platonic.
A few months ago when his relationship fell apart, I of course was right there for him. The first day it happened I helped him move out, and the following weekend I dragged him out with my friends to help distract him. It stayed very platonic while he processed his hurt and I continued to date other people.
About two months ago we slept together and now we're (for all intents and purposes) in a relationship. It all happened very gradually and smoothly, and felt natural. He's very good to me, and I him, and I see a lot for us in the future.
But. I have a couple of hang ups.
For one, he still talks to his ex girlfriend. This is a girl who he lived with, who manipulated him and made him compromise on everything, who eventually said she wasn't getting enough from the relationship and ended up kissing a coworker and asking my friend for space, then immediately sleeping with the coworker the day after my friend moved out. This is a girl he had a six year relationship/friendship with, but who hurt him and cheated on him and never appreciated him. I understand it's hard to sever all ties after 6 years, and that it's only been a few months since this happened to them, but I don't understand how he could want someone who treated him that way to stay in his life.
It makes me worry that I'm just a rebound or replacement. Is he with me because I was there when he needed someone? Is he with me out of habit? Did we fall into a routine by simply replacing our missing pieces with each other? OR, did we get together so quickly because maybe this is how it was supposed to be all along? Did we just ignore all the signs until we were both available to each other?
I want to believe that it's the latter; that we were just always bound to happen. We eventually got here and we're both happy. He has told me how glad he is now that all the stuff happened in both of our other relationships, because the result is that we're together now.
I truly am happy with him but I want to be cautious still. He's still so fresh from his breakup, and I'm at an age where anyone I commit to is someone I can see a long future with. I worry about our timing and whether or not one or both of us may not really be ready for a deep commitment.
I'm a practical Patty and an over-thinker, but I think my worries are smart here. I don't know. What do you guys think?
Last comment on Oct 23, 2014 02:21 PM
Why did i get married?
Posted anonymously on Oct 16, 2014 07:12 PM 4 Responses
In 2011, I lived in Germany with my military family close to the time of Thanksgiving I met this guy. This guy gave me the most attention ive could ever ask for, he treated me with the most respect and he made me feel like I was a queen but because of highschool issues and to avoid drama we decided to keep our relationship a secret as he was very popular and I didn't stand out enough. During the time we had together we got extremely close with eachother couldn't stand to go a day without talking to eachother. Unfortunately his family as well as mine was military and he was leaving Germany after new years, the split tore us apart and the very last day he told me he loved me. We talked every for the next two weeks after he was stationed in Florida. What happened after that was history he started school again and so did I we moved on and apart from one another never to speak again. Eventually I ended up moving back to the states and and graduated and so on, I moved out and landed myself in Missouri in 2013. i always checked in on him curious as to how he was and when i found out he had found a girl, joined the military and married her i deleted my facebook and tried to forget it all. 2014 rolled around and I met guy number two, I convinced myself hes the one and we dated for about 8 months never separated and he lived in my apartment. Recently we got married and its been nothing but stress and hell, constantly fighting and crying yelling and wanting to leave each other because of issues that constantly come up. You see hes a drunk and craves constant attention from other people, so he needs to have a million and one eyes on him at all times. conceited. As of 4 days ago i decided maybe it about time i put my facebook back up and get back in contact with old friends jump back on the planet and let everyone know im not dead. Not even a day after it was up, i get a facebook friend request from guess who. Guy number one.
We have been talking now everyday nonstop, talking about how things use to be and about how things are now. How much we miss each other and what we miss about each and how we wish we could see each other.
It seems like we have fallen back to our old way. He made a comment to me that he wants to come see me and he wants to make sure im happy take care of me because he cares about me. How he regrets letting me go and wishes he didn't join the military or get married or move away because things between us could have been perfect. He told me he thinks he wants to leave his wife (who is absolutely beautiful) because he cant get me off his mind and he has never felt like this with anyone but me the feelings came back when we started talking and he cant stop.
We Skype while hes at work and i can talk to him all day long until my husband gets home and when he goes home to his wife i get very delayed responses. Today, he told me he loves me and its not just a fling or a phase he cant shake the feeling and he doesn't want to but he doesn't know how to go about only being with me.
I cant just tell him to get a divorce and i don't know if i cant just leave my horrible marriage behind for something i don't know if definite. I believe what he tells me and that he loves me, he plans to come visit me and asks me daily what can i do to make you believe me.
Its gotten to the point that i cant stand to be around my husband i have to kind of attraction to him at all anymore and i cant have sex with him because i feel wrong. I cant pretend i love this man when i am secretly telling another i love him. But hes also telling his wife he loves her.
All of this is very confusing.
Should i leave my life behind and pursue one with guy number one.
or should i wait to see where this goes with him and stay with my husband only to cause more confusion for him.
I am so lost..
Last comment on Oct 17, 2014 12:56 PM