relationship advice should I stay?
Posted anonymously on Mar 05, 2015 04:19 PM 2 Responses
Ive been in a relationship for six years and my partner has never had a steady job. He is 33 and I am 26. He's a film maker and tells me it is the nature of the career he has chosen. One year ago he moved to another country on the pre-tense of getting work, since then he has had a job for only two months of this year. The rest of the time he is doing what he calls freelance work he is making online videos to add to his show reel but he is not getting paid. Im am getting frustrated with this situation as we have been maintaining a long term relationship for 1 yr now and I feel there is no reason to be. It came to a head today when I called him and said i would book and pay for flights for him to come home this weekend (I know he does not have any work this weekend) and he has refused to take me up on the offer. Am i being selfish to want him to live in the same country as me and is there any way to put across my worries about him not working without it sounding like I am nagging
Last comment on Mar 05, 2015 12:02 PM
Does he actually want to hang out, or is he just being nice?
Posted anonymously on Mar 04, 2015 07:27 PM 2 Responses
So today I texted a guy who I really like. I asked him if he would like to hang out or talk sometime to get to know each other better. He replied saying: "I'd be happy to hang out sometime and chat!" Does that mean he just wants to be friends, or does he want to actually hang out with me? Or is he just trying to be nice?
Last comment on Mar 05, 2015 12:07 PM
How stupid i feel after a one night stand
Posted anonymously on Mar 03, 2015 11:57 PM 6 Responses
I've been single for months and i got bored spending evenings having dinner by myself or with friends or with parent. I went on dates but didn't sleep with any of them because i didn't like their personalities neither nor no chemistry. Some were very obvious they wanted sexual encounters.
Then my friend suggested Tinder. It was fun killing time. There are many attractive guys in the area--most of them don't live here. It was like somewhat an ego boost that i've gotten many matches. I put in my profile that i was looking for friends to hang out, dining out and trying new cool spots in town. Not looking for hook ups or casual sex.
Anyway, I matched a cute guy. He's 28 and I'm 33. He stated in his profile he lives over 1000km away from me but he came in town. Anyway, i complimented his photos. We started chatting and he asked if i had any plans that evening. I was busy with work so i didn't reply. The next day, in the afternoon, he asked me again to meet that evening and i thought.. fine by me. He gave me his number and Line ID then we met for a nice Japanese dinner. I offered to share the bill because i didn't want to take advantages of him. After that, we hanged out at a cool bar. He said he often came to the city i live, almost every month. We started drinking and having flowing conversations. We discussed about many topics. Work, life, philosophy and relationship. I started to get tipsy and started to kiss him on lips. Then he looked a little bit surprised with wide opened eyes. I told him he was very cute. He really was cute, funny, witty, incredibly smart, very active and very social. We kissed and talked a bit more. Anyway, i told him i couldn't go to his place because i parked my car elsewhere and need to take it out before midnight since i didn't want a one night stand to happen. But he seemed to wait it and ,admittedly, i wanted it with him too.
He accompanied me to pick my car. Before we went to his hotel, i asked him he wasn't in any kind of relationship. He said he broke up with his ex gf a month ago. That's why he went to Tokyo to see his friends 2 weeks ago before coming here.
At his room, we joked, we laughed and we talked even more and more. He tried to impress me and acting mature and that made me smile. He never flooded compliments or being cheesy but i liked that. I convinced myself i hadn't had sex for a long time and this would be a one time thing.
After it's done, he asked me to scratch his back and we cuddled for a while and fell asleep. Then morning sex.. then scratch his back. He asked if we could meet each other again when he come back next month. I said i would be traveling to a neighbor country and he asked where and he said he would like to go with me too. I was surprised to here that. Then he told me to send an itinerary to his email address---he gave me his full name and his email address to me. However, he told me he had an appointment at a hospital this morning (he mentioned that he had unknown cause of headache that bothers him) so we got dressed. When we were downstairs, i was about to walk to my car, then he asked me to have breakfast with him then asked me to drop him at a hospital.
After we departed, i didn't expect to hear from him again. I tried not to get emotionally attached. Then when i got home, he texted me saying his MRI result was normal. His blood tests came back normal as well. I told him take it easy.
Then in the afternoon he texted me and asked me to hang out with him before he flew back. At first i hesitated because i felt weird... but it was my day off and i didn't want to stay at home all day so i agreed to go. He was the one do the talking and asked me opinions about things. I was happy inside but tried to act cool.
When we got to the place, it was a gypsy market in a very hot sunny day. It was crowded and i frowned briefly and looked away but didn't say a word but he seemed to get it and we did a boat trip instead. Before we went on seperate ways, he kissed me on my lips and still texted me saying we would meet soon, let him know about my upcomng trip soon before he flew back.
He flew back 3-4 days ago and I haven't heard from him after since. I know this would happen. What could i expect from a one night stand? I did enjoy the sex with him and having him around. I'm just confused why he gave me "we'll meet soon" crap when he didn't intend to meet me again. I know i analyze too much. It wouldn't change the fact it was just a one night stand and it wouldn't turn into anything more.
I wish i didn't stay for breakfast.. neither nor going out with him on the second day afternoon. He made me feel special and it made me grow a feeling for him. Stupid me i fall for him. Now i have to move on but i'm missing him...
Last comment on Mar 04, 2015 09:35 AM
Posted anonymously on Mar 01, 2015 07:00 AM 7 Responses
I love a girl unconditionally.I've changed myself to every possible extent she likes.She does love me.But she fell in love with an asshole (whom she considers to be a nice person).He was in a relationship and lied to her that he wasn't which was the reason she started getting feelings for him?
Now that she knows hes committed, she doen't want a relationship with him,just wants to be friends with him. She thinks too much about him,cries for him.He is an opportunist...he wants to talk/text/meet her when his girlfriend isn't available.Seeing her suffering is giving me immense pain.I can't think of any other girl but her.Iv been hurt crazily and i have lost interest in life.I don't wanna leave her cause im the only close person to her she depends(she'll be shatterd if i left).I can't leave her too.Iv got so attached to her that i cant spend a min thinking of her.I know she's a wreck but i still wanna love her,nurture her.
also she knows me from 8 years and gotta that piece of shit hardly an year ago.This literally burns my ass.
hes hurt her infinitely and iv loved her,taken care of her and supported her infinitely.
we'd smooched,made out etc.
but now she refuses to kiss me on my lips cause she gets him on her mind.The fact that she smooched me thinking of him is undigestable to me.
im really hurt and depressed.
She says she can't take decisions now as shes scared where she might lose me.Hes still on her mind.The more he ignores her,the more she thinks of him and suffers.im suffering seeing this and goin into depression.my life,career,everything is taking a hit.
why am i so unlucky?
Ive always been the nicest person to her.
is it why im getting hurt like this?
why do nice people suffer the most while inhuman assholes live a happy life?
what do i do?
Last comment on Mar 03, 2015 09:25 AM
Can they do this?
Posted anonymously on Feb 25, 2015 11:31 AM 2 Responses
I'm currently being treated for bipolar disorder but health professionals. I've only just admitted to the doctor of my feelings due to a push from support and a push in general from my boyfriend.
My parents (as I'm only 16) are punishing me for this. They say they are helping but what they're doing is only allowing contact with my boyfriend for an hour a day. My boyfriend is my main pillar of support and as I'm suicidal and a continuous self harmer I need my boyfriend to be there for me to talk to when I begin to get low.
My parents don't realise how much harm they are putting me at by basically allowing me to sit isolated in my room with my thoughts.
Can they do this?
Do you agree with what they are doing?
I understand they are my parents, but you can't stop your child talking to her boyfriend of over a year.
Last comment on Feb 25, 2015 02:02 PM
Lost and Confused
Posted anonymously on Feb 25, 2015 07:37 AM 4 Responses
I was with a man for three years. He started lying, hiding things from me. I found out he was still having contact with his ex girlfriend. He lied about that. He was calling her daughter his. The girl was 19 when he met her. He would leave for the weekend, cut off his phone, and not cut it back on until he came back. His mom told me what he was doing. Then he brings this woman around at first I was told she was his sisters friend. One night I was at his house and she was there. He was standing in front of her. She reaches out and puts his head in her breast. I confronted him, he claimed it would not happen again. He said he was going to tell her to leave, I waited and acted like I was going to the bathroom, when he thought I was out of sight he goes up to her grabs her and hugs her. I was shocked. When she left I confronted him. He said they were friends, nothing else. Last week I decided I could no longer deal with it. I told him. He said he was not giving up anyone for me. He also said she had done more for him than I did. When I met this man he had nothing. Now he is back in his home, lights, hot water, heat. He had no car, now he has two. He had no clothes, now he has plenty. He had no license, he is close to getting some. Why. Because I helped him. Then he tells me this B**** has done more for him than me. He also told me that his ex-girlfriends daughter was his world and he was not giving her up. I talked to him yesterday, he says he does not understand why I will not believe him. He told me If I learned to control my mouth and my thoughts I could keep a man. I just need someone to tell me what you think. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me, but how do you hurt someone who never cared. He said he loved me and still does. I say B*******.
Last comment on Feb 25, 2015 12:42 PM
Witnessing Abuse and how to take care of it
Posted anonymously on Feb 23, 2015 03:20 PM 2 Responses
My Dad has severe epilepsy and can't hold a job, drive or live alone so he has been living with his parents (my grandparents) while his disability appeal proceeds to court. I live with him because of an issue with my Mom and because I am in college in the town we live. My cousins are the victims of drug abuse during pregnancy and as a result they suffer from autism. They don't live with their parents because they have problems with prescription drug abuse. The children have lived with my grandparents since they were born regardless of there being no no actual custody agreement. My grandparents have been letting the kids parents collect over $600 a month in food stamps for kids they don't support. In the recent years my Grandmother has become what can only b described as psychotic and expressas verbal aggression and physical destruction to her own property in these fits of rage on a daily basis. (Ex: Earlier today she was making pizza and couldn't find the pizza cutter. She goes on to scream at my Dad and My Grandfather all while pulling the draws out of their spaces and throwing things on the floor about how they always hide thing from her because they think it is funny and tells my Dad that he is a liar when he tells her where it is. She finds it where he said it was and says "Real frickin' funny Dan! You caused this mess 'Cause you think you're funny or somethin'!" And that was just one of today's outbursts that happen multiple times a day.) She threatens the kids with physical abuse and screams on a near constant basis. These children shouldn't have to grow up in this environment and be victimized like this. I want to report the actions to child protective services but if I do she will know that I am responsible and kick my disabled father and myself out of the home with nowhere to go. How can I take care of this situation anonymously and do what's right for these children?
Last comment on Feb 24, 2015 08:48 AM
Don't know what to do
Posted anonymously on Feb 23, 2015 02:41 PM 7 Responses
So, I first met this girl like 2 years ago. We had a lot of friends in common and we engaged in small talks when we hanged out all together, but we only started talking seriously like 3 months ago.
We found that we had really good chemistry, and for like 2 months we talked every day up to very late in the night. I visited her home weekly (invited by herself) and we went to a lot of places together. She came to my place and spent countless hours hearing me play the guitar or reading with me.
I'm a very shy guy, and I don't have a lot of friends (quite the opposite). I was diagnosed with depression five months ago, after I broke up a very unhealthy relationship and my grandpa (the only member of my family I really cared about) died. She was trying to make me open myself a little more, and I felt I was getting better.
I thought of her as just a really good friend, until the day when I went to her house and saw her ex-boyfriend was there too. I got really jealous and left with an stupid excuse. I was really confused because I discovered that she was more than a friend to me.
Since that day, she suddenly stopped talking to me. She don't approach me to talk anymore, and don't ask me to go anywhere. I tried doing it myself, and I got rejections and short messages. Now I'm feeling depressed all over again, because I had something really nice and now I don't. I don't talk to anyone besides my co-workers. I just play the guitar all day long (hey, at least I'm getting really good!).
I don't know what to do. I don't know what were her feelings about me, I was afraid to ask for fear of ruining the friendship. She often demonstrated her affection with hugs, taking my hand while we walked, etc. but she never did anything "really" romantic, like kissing me.
My head is a big mess right now. I miss her dearly, but I have no clue on how to proceed.
Sorry about my English btw, I'm still working on it. I very much welcome any corrections! Sorry about the messy redaction as well, I'm really making an effort opening up to strangers and I just wrote it as it came from my mind.
Btw, I'm 20 years old and she is 19. It's been nearly a month since we last talked. I was undergoing psychological treatment, but I dropped it two weeks ago because I felt it wasn't helping.
Last comment on Feb 24, 2015 10:31 AM
With a Younger guy.
Posted anonymously on Feb 20, 2015 09:56 AM 2 Responses
I have had various relationships before, so I was in relationships for the last 12 years. Now I am single and wanting to "have fun" in an elegant way. So...
After some months being single, I wanted to hang out with guys out of my circle (I am kinda bored of the same type of guys), a friend told me to make a Tinder profile and I was surprise of the quality of the male gender I met there (yes I am a friendly type of woman). Have had dinner and lunches and coffees with some of them.
I am just discovering that I am still good in having the guys contact me, call me and all those things male/female sensual battle.
Now, I met this guy 9 years younger, so I am 37 and he is 28. All communication is through whatsapp, never calling, he would send voice messages, etc. He is fine with the age (I look younger than him, lol) and to me age is a number as long as you're having fun. With all whatsapp, and new technology, I don't know how to behave so he would grow interest (remember the male/female sensual battle).
I would ask; How do I make him think that I have interest without having to start conversation always? Through all these new technologies?
Last comment on Feb 24, 2015 11:10 AM
does he like me or is he playing games?
Posted anonymously on Feb 18, 2015 06:52 PM 9 Responses
hello everyone, im in need of some advice, im hoping you all have more experience with this than i do since im relatively young, age 23 almost, and i just recently came out to my parents and have never even been on a date because of that. i think im a bisexual male by the way.
basically im trying to find out if im setting my hopes up when theirs nothing and reading to much into things, or my friend really does like me. this post might be fairly long so i apologize. i also am going to be general and try to not give out information about the people in my life as i am still very new to all this.
i go to a certain town alot during my lifetime. but more so recently. my best friend lives their and shes awesome but its about 2 hours away so i never went up that much. but recently in the past 2 to 3 months iv been going up ALOT. i went up several times as they are much more accepting and i came out and told quite a few of my friends up there i think i was bi. they all accepted it fine. but now i think one of the men may actually like me but its SO hard to tell. their are so many signs but i cant tell if im just reading to much into it because i like him too. im gonna just list the signs that i can think of that have happened in the past 2 to 3 months and hopefully you all can help me understand if im being reasonable or not. hes a friend of my friends that i just met about 6 months ago. but now were pretty close.
these are in no particular order just the first ones that come into my head as i write them.
also he has a girlfriend and a 4 year old daughter. which before anyone says anything. im not trying to get in between them, normally i wouldnt think of that even. but i feel like i might be being misled by him. normally i would not try to pry into someone elses relationship especially one thats been going on for at least 5 years. but i really feel like hes unhappy and likes me and has hinted at that. however whatever the case ill wait for him to come out and im not gonna pry into his life, i just want to know others oppinions on the matter. he claimes hes straight but.
1. we spent ALOT of time now online. skyping, texting and playing video games togther. so much so that we have spent about 65 hours in the past 3 weeks skyping and playing games alone. i know because steam keeps track of the hours of a certain game played, and we have played almost 40 hours on that alone. we also text a good bit. and when we do text he seems to respond instantly alot. or at least read it right then and their. i realize this time is online and digital but i live 2 hours away as well so its not like i can just be up their and hang out whenever i want.
2. one time he tryed to hook me and his cousin up to have sex. im a virgin and i was scared as well as i didnt even know the guy but after declining he got pretty upset and emotional saying how he "spent all this time for me". which i thought was kinda weird. maybe he was trying to see if i would have sex since im a virgin and he knows? idk
3. he is very VERY raunchy when drinking, even when not drinking and pretty sober he still acts and talks gay but says hes joking. his friends all say hes just "confortable with his sexuality" and iv never been a big party guy so im not around this much, but when he has enough to drink he will even wip out his dick and whatnot. or grind on guys, though he normally doesnt have his dick out when he grinds on them his pants are up. but he does this VERY commonly. its happened multiple times. he also calls me "boo" alot in texts and on skype. and talks dirty alot to me. even though he says hes joking. when i reply back in a dirty manner he used to say "Ew" or "no" but that has kinda switched to a "maybe" now in his texts. a few times he has said "maybe" even though im sure if i asked him he would just say he was joking about it.
4. when we skype its normally for at LEAST an hour, sometimes 3 hours and he sometimes doenst want to leave. when we do leave its because his girlfriend is asking him to go places or do stuff and hes spending time with me, which i also find odd since its his gf. also i frequently hear him and his girfriend kinda bickering in the background on skype.
5. one night after a party he had a bit to drink and secretly wrote on a wii u pad "im gay, super gay, like backstreet gay" and then quickly erased it after showing me it, it was only me and him on the couch. when i asked him about it later though he said he wanted to input that as the highscore to the game mario kart 8 but the game wouldnt let him. i thought thats pretty believable since they tend to censor things and maybe gay wouldnt be allowed. but it also made me curious.
6. again about the skype thing, he stays up late and last night i went to bed at around 1 am and texted him i couldnt stay up any later i was tired and for him to text me if he wanted and i would probably hear it and wake up or call me. i was very tired so i didnt hear him but he texted me 69 times mostly random stuff from auto correct but some was actual texts. also he called me 3 times.
7. he liked a photo of mine from over a year and a half ago on facebook. which told me he was scrolling through my pictures at the very least. when i asked him about it just cause i was curious he denied ever even going on my photos and said it was a "glitch" by facebook.
8. one night at the bar he joked and said "it will be like we are making out" to his girlfriend and she responded "we dont make out that often hun". obviously this was in somewhat playful tones, but it makes me wonder with how they act when im on skype and she said they dont make out that often if they are kinda not going to strong anymore. also makes me wonder since hes 24 almost and his daughter is over 4 that means he got her pregnant at like age 18 or 19 since it takes time for the baby to develop. maybe he just sayed with her because it was the right thing to do and social pressure? i mean that seems pretty young to me and maybe he does like me?
9. apparently theirs this thing called "ball tapping" where its fun to try to hit the other mans balls. he does it to alot of guys and me included, also he slaps guys butts like i mentioned earlier in him acting gay and raunchy. one time we were almost wrestling trying to ball tap each other and all i can remember was him smiling and laughing and we were holding each others arms away to try to keep each other from ball tapping the other. it was almost like a 10-15 second wrestling match in a way.
anyway im just wondering if im reading to much into this, but we are spending alot of time together i feel, maybe even as much as his girlfiend do even though its digital with skype and texts. heck i feel he treats me as a priority over her sometimes, like how i mentioned when we skype and he doens't want to leave sometimes even when his gf wants to head out for the night. any thoughts on this and advice? regardless im not trying to break them up or get in their life, however if he is unhappy and does eventually come out i could only date him if he broke up with his gf. not trying to get inbetween them, am i reading to much into all this? thanks.
also recently we spent 9 hours together on valentines day, as well as 6 hours the next day, but then when i confronted him about a certain converstation that i felt he was hinting at being gay he denied ever even saying it and i showed him the pictures of him saying "he wanted a deep deep deep hole" for a well. i assumed he was hinting at anal and just said he wanted a "well" to hide it. but then he says hes straight. so basically i was hurt that he would lead me on and then be was kinda upset and mean about it after i confronted him, so i let it go and told myself if he doenst want me he doesnt want me. but then the NEXT day i didnt text him at all. probably the only day in the last 3 weeks we hadnt talked at all and he FLIPS OUT. he says. "sorrry you must be to ggod to talk to me,idc for your childish games" he also seemed hurt and sad that i didnt text him because he repeated the characters in "sorry" and "good". i told him i was out doing errands and just got home and that he didnt sent me any messages to reply back to so how was i being too good for him and to talk to him? he replied back with "it felt like that. sorry buddy".
basically im so confused as to why a straight guy in a long term relationship with a women and a child would act this way, its clear from what he said that he looks forward to my messages, so much so that after 1 day of not messaging he got upset since he expected me to send a few at least like normal but i didnt and he got upset. do you think he likes me? or is just joking like he says when he flirts with me?
we still talk every day for the past 2 days, after this whole incident we still chat on skype and he calls me on skype. but im not the one whos texting first or calling him on skype first the past 2 days and he still flirts on skype even after this whole charade... hes so confusing. i need advice.
Last comment on Feb 23, 2015 05:38 AM